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Seeing clearly for the first time.
After my near death experince a month ago. I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. It shown me my childhood that I blocked out because growing up was lonely because my parents didn't let me have any friends outside of school. Then it shown me my past love life. It shown me my first ex to my last ex, but what really linger on my mind is my time being Anastasia's boyfriend. She was only one that I truely loved, but I didn't really take it seriously till after I lost her. When I was cleaning out my closet I found the box that I kept everything I gotten from her, from letters before when we were friends to letters when we were boyfriend and girlfriend, her sketches, and the first birthday gift that I gotten from anyone including the birthday cd she made me. It brought tears to my eyes looking through them. Also it shown me what I did to lose her, me lying, being double standard, and breaking promises like drinking, smoking, and wanting to kill myself. I know that I'm suppose to get over her and put what we had in the past, but I can't help think of her. Because now I can't get her off my mind. I think of her face, her smile, and her kindness. Mostly her love she had for me. I would give anything to actually hold her in my arms once again. Even if it means dying, because almost dying last month death isn't really that scary anymore. I still smoke only once in awhile because when I smoke cigs. I remember my past because when I do smoke I have nothing else to do but think about things and smoke. but I cut back alot from the time of my last ex who was a lying backstabbing b***h. I'm sorry to the people who read this and don't like me smoking and cussing. Also Taylor Swift's song Love Story makes me think of her everytime it plays on the radio and everytime I Shinobi Heart Under Blade or Battle Royale. I wonder if she still thinks of me. Also would she want to get back together again...
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