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im so ******** mad at derek. he has the nerve to ******** call me up when i'm at home with my girlfriend happily making out and he asks what he did wrong. wtf.
ok back up...
so i used to date this guy his name was derek. he was on the football team and evrything which was cool but he was kinda controlling a lot like dad if you think about it. i really wanted to break up w/ him but i was scared and then serenity thought he might be cheating on me but not sure. so i was soo worried, but i was chickening out everytime i tried to break up w/ him. then there was this football game and he got in soooo much trouble cuz the coach found out he did steroids i guess they did the drug test and the coach had the results in the middle of the game. stupid timing, then he calls time out and tells derek he was on steroids and they starting arguing it was really really bad. i saw some of it but i couldn't hear much but derek looked soooo mad. he stomped off and came up to the stands and i went to him but he was so mad about getting kicked off the team that he kinda took it out on me and when i said he shouldnt do drugs he hit me in the face wtf. i was like we are so done. so i broke up with him
serenity and this guy eric came and found me in the parking lot cuz i ran away and i was crying. eric drove us to serenitys house and i stayed there cuz i really didnt want to go to dad after derek hit me. so serenity was really nice to me and kinda looked out for me after that. then there was this confetti dance at my school and we went of course cuz we both love dance. it was really fun and we were sooo into it and then we were kinda dancing um dirty and it was like hot. yeah so then i look up and serenity looks like shes thinking or somethin and then outta nowhere she kissed me. i was kinda like WHOA for a second but well it was good so i kissed her back. after the dance we walked home (cuz we live real close to school) and talked about it and she told me how she liked me and i was like okay sure why not that was hot. and i know she cares cuz shes always like worried about me and yeah. so now im going out with her and its so great cuz shes not stupid and abusive like dad and derek so shes like the only one thats really there for me...
i love you ren....... heart
 SkyHighButterfly · Mon Jan 09, 2006 @ 08:21am · 0 Comments |
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not arrested for christmas |
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so on thursday i went to the airport to get lucas omg was that scary. i dont drive on the freeway so much so that was really scary not to mention illegal. a cop was following me for a while and i so thought i was dead. he went around tho so i dunno maybe he was looking for something else. neways i got to the airport and got lucas and he drove home thank god. lucas was soooo quiet tho he seriously didn't talk to me until we got home and he asked if his room was still open. what the heck. so i gave him his room and sat around making a necklace just to have something to do i was so bored.
then friday dad got home in the afternoon and omg he was so sweet to lucas it was nasty. he was in a really good mood until lucas said something about a failed loan or something, it was about college and it was not good. then he yelled at lucas and thats so weird he never yells at lucas always me. lucas was sooo mad, he locked himself in his room and omg it was awful. so dad drinks of course and i was like, i've had it. i packed a little messenger bag of clothes and got out. i took a bunch of buses to ashland to see my mom. i knew dad wouldn't let me go so i was like forget it i'll go anyways. mom was so happy to see me and omg my half sister is sooo cute! shes four and she is like the cutest little thing. she followed me everywhere lol.
it was kinda weird there tho cause mom doesn't know im anorexic. kiara my half sis kept trying to give me candy and i was like..... no. i tried to eat at family meals cause i didn't want mom to find out and her new bf (i think fiance.....) seemed kinda like protective i dunno. like he would freak if he knew or something. so i had to do all the classic stuff like cutting up my food a lot and yeah it was so weird. we don't really have family meals at dads much (usually just dinner) so i can not eat much and he doesn't notice but i really had to eat more than usual at moms. i had to try really really really hard to keep it all down cuz even tho i've been working on eating more i still don't eat normal meals. i only got sick once though and i kept it down until in the middle of the night so i don't think they found out i didn't wake neone up.
christmas was cool cuz the family was in a good mood and like talking not like at dads so i had fun. there was tons of candy so i gave most of it to kiara and i saved the rest i'll give it to friends at school. dinner was okay cuz there was so much food on the table that you couldnt see around it so no one could see if i was eating or not hahaha! i was pretty relieved cuz id been worrying about christmas dinner cuz i didn't want to admit it to them but sheeesh who wants to be sick on christmas.
i called lucas on his cellphone to see if it was better at dads and he said it was they smoothed stuff out so i went back but i was so scared. dad was shopping when i got back so i talked to lucas and he said there was presents for me. i got some new shirts and this really cute hat plus some new beads for my jewlry kit. and then other things like some green day posters. <3. then dad got home and was like where the ******** did you go for christmas and i said i went to serenity's house, serenity knew where i was going so she knew to cover for me. now its just me and dad and lucas and home and its so quiet nobody talks at all. lucas talks to me sometimes but hardly its weird. i kinda want school to start now so i can get out of this house its driving me c r a z y.
SkyHighButterfly · Wed Dec 28, 2005 @ 08:56am · 0 Comments |
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weird title, i know, lol. so good news today. daddys out of town again for a business thing, some conference in portland. he'll be there until friday and ill be here without him. kinda lonely but at least its not scary cause he cant get mad at me and hit me when hes in portland. lucas called this afternoon to say he's flying in tomorrow evening so omg i have to go pick him up at the airport. meaning i have to illegally drive dad's bmw all the way to rougue valley to go get him. i know dad doesnt really care if i drive cuz i have my permit but still. even tho i know what i'm doing, its illegal. driving to school is okay cause it's like 2 blocks away, but to go to the airport i have to get on the freeway. ohhh boi. well hopefully no cops catch me. anyways i'm glad lucas is coming cuz then when dad gets back he'll be happy. and not mad at me i hope.
and bananas, meaning i had food. i really am trying to work on it. today i said i'd eat at least three times it's harder to make myself eat when no one's here to get curious about it so i had to promise. there's tons of bananas in the house so i thought why not i'll just eat bananas today. their pretty easy on the stomach. so i had three bananas, one when i got up, one for a snack, and one just a while ago. yay me. tomorrow maybe apples, lol. not really we dont have apples but i'll eat something. i think it works to eat in little bits at a time like the person on the thread said cause hey it didn't make me sick today. but i'll eat something diffrent tomorrow lol, sick of bananas!
SkyHighButterfly · Wed Dec 21, 2005 @ 08:18am · 0 Comments |
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i took some quizzes and some of the results are kinda suprising! my soul is black? huh.
Your Soul is Black - Depressed, angsty, distrusting. Life has sent you on one dark ride, and you are having some trouble getting back on track. Don't lose hope, you have to keep with it. Everyone must expierince pain (some more than others), but you have to be strong. In every life some rain must fall before the sun.
the pic wouldn't copy for this one, but it said this "your phisical beauty is what catches peoplpes eyes, but remember beauty isn't skin deep."
Your inner spirit is very happy!It seems you always have a huge smile on your face! Even in the worst of times your always smiling and carrying on. Your very positive about basically everything, and you have an amazing talent to make people cheer up! Your very warm and open, and you always let others use your shoulder to cry on. They know that you are always going to be there for them, therefore there is a huge line-up of people just dying to be your friend, whether you know it or not. Don't ever loose your kind-hearted-ness! Everyone loves you for it!
from what pre 1985 video game character are you, "I am Mario.
I like to jump around, and would lead a fairly serene and aimless existence if it weren't for my friends always getting into trouble. I love to help out, even when it puts me at risk. I seem to make friends with people who just can't stay out of trouble." (huh??)
now this is just weird. "I taste like Bread.
I am a staple in almost everyone's diet. Friends like me are a complement to any other friends I get on with almost everyone, remaining mostly in the background, but providing substance when it would otherwise be lacking.
(If you were not Bread you would be Vanilla.)"
SkyHighButterfly · Mon Dec 19, 2005 @ 08:24am · 2 Comments |
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winter break, good or evil |
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so here i am at home for two whole weeks oh god. i don't know if its going be a nice break from all the hw or just hell cuz dad? not so nice lately. its kinda freking me out. a lot. i don't know wats going on w/ him he's drinking a lot more lately, i bet its cuz its the holidays. mom often calls around now and wants to see me and dads not to keen on that cuz hes still mad at her. of course. i miss her a lot tho and i wanna see her but i don't wanna make dad angry. just a week ago things kinda got messed up cuz i failed an english test. i let it slip out that i had a bad grade and it was aaaal down from there. and one thing led to another and before i knew it i was up against the wall and dad was thretening to take away my cellphone if i didnt get my grades better and then hes hitting me wtf? he never used to get that funked out over some stupids grades thing or nething. i know he was drunk then but that doesnt help cuz im waaay to scared to tell him to stop that never does good at all. hes crazy these days. and then other days hes all sweet and like, hey corrie lets go see the osu fb game or something. lucas my brother goes there. maybe thats part of why dads mad, lucas isn't here. lucas was always more i don't know he had better grades than me. i think dad liked lucas more they were always close. me and him, not really. i kinda miss lucas but he never really calls or anything and we weren't that good friends before he went to college. i think its harder between me and dad without him here tho so i hope he hurrys up and comes home for break soon. if hes here i dont think dad will be so obsessed with my mistakes. omg i feel like crying its so scary here sometimes. i want to go to moms house but im scared......
SkyHighButterfly · Mon Dec 19, 2005 @ 06:04am · 0 Comments |
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