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OK Fine! Get ready for the next installment of the mundane life of ME! I'm bored so this could go on for quite some time. So, To say the least, my life has been really shitty lately. I know its so Cliché but it all has to do with a girl. A girl that i loved more than i thought i could. Everything about her is absolutley beautefull. She is perfect! and for six months i was so happy to be together with her. We started going once at the begining of last school year (2005 - 2006) and we didnt know what the hell we were doing about a month later i broke up with here. ( I would later find out that she was planning on breaking up with me later that day) I tried other relationships but they just wouldnt work. For some reason, even though we weren't close when we went out, i would think about her all the time. Then one day a friend of mine and a friend of hers came up to me and asked me what i thought about her (her being my ex-girlfriend). Imediatly i knew that she still liked me and it had been a while since we last dated so i figured "What the hell. Whats the worse that could happen?" Maby she still liked me because i was her first kiss. Maby for my dashing good looks. (Narsasism) I dont know. But anyway, we got back together and thigs were alright. We actually hung out and were able to talk to eachother. Help eachother with problems, things that couples do. The best memories of my life are with her...watching movies together with my head in her lap. Having glove fights in the back of my moms van. Hanging out on the trampoline. Chaseing her little brother around her back yard with the hose. So manny good memories. The whole time we went out was so awsome but i knew that it wouldnt last very long because she is christian. I knew that sooner or later she would have to choose between me and God and seeing as how god is jus an imaginary friend that can do whatever, I didnt stand a chance. One weekend, over the summer, She went to some christain concert thing for about 3 days. They must have been doing some sereous brain washing because when she got back i knew that the love was just gone. I could feel it and it hurt. Why she just didnt tell me then and straight up, i dont know. Instead, she waited about 1 or 2 weeks untill school started and on the first day of school, besides the fact that she ditched me and avioded me all day, right as i was leaving to go home she handed me a note. And low and behold! it was a break up note. Claiming that if she stayed with me she wouldnt get into heaven (which doesnt exist anyway) when really she just wanted to get back together with her Ex-boyfriend. She keeps wanting him to be something he is not. He's an a*****e and treats her like s**t. Then after a few weeks she reolized why she broke up with him in the firstplace and did it again. We try and keep a good relationship and stay friends but we hardly talk. When she broke up with me and the way she did, Holy s**t! it broke my heart. All of the things we did together and all they I'll love you forever's and then all of a sudden she is being a total b***h to me and breaks up with me out of the blue like its nothing. She didnt even give us a chance to work things out. And the worse part is I CANT GET OVER HER! I still love her just as much as i did when we were together. It is ******** killing me inside. I cant do anything without being reminded of her and then i just feel like curling up and dieing. Now here we are, I still love her and she's single and now she is just ******** with me. She keeps showing an interest in me and acting as though she wants to get back together but then she never talks to me. And really, i dont blame her. Its not her fault, but that doesnt make it hurt any less. Either way it doesnt matter and that, i think, is what kills me the most because i know that we can never get back together. No matter how much we may love eachother again i just cant compeet with god and it will always come back to that. I KNOW IT WILL! She will never love me more than she loves god and there is just no talking to here on the subject. I have tried and tried and you just cant talk to her. I thought were so close. I have told her so manny things, she probably doesnt remember them all. She told me things too, but no matter how close we got, there was always still a wall there keeping me just outside of reach of who she really was and she just wouldnt let me in. I got close and maby thats what scared her away. So manny things left unsaid. I want her back so ******** bad but it just wont work and it will only make things harder later. I just need to get out of this town and get as far away from her as i can. If i stay here i will go insane. I just dont know what to do! I Love you Karmen and i know you know that i wrote this all for you because you are the only one that ever reads these. You will be the only one to read this and if you have read all of this then you really do still love me and i dont know if you really know what i mean when i say "I love you!" but i do. And i am so sorry it has come to this but we just can tbe together. I love you and i will always be here for you. If you ever need anything at all you know you can always come to me for help. I just want to be here for you.
I LOVE YOU!
gothic_hobo1 · Tue Oct 03, 2006 @ 03:30am · 4 Comments |
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YAY karmen and I hung out all day and it was really fun! heart heart heart
gothic_hobo1 · Fri Apr 28, 2006 @ 05:34am · 3 Comments |
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So, i just started Gaia today...I have spent the day fishing and working on my house. However there is nowere to put my house so you can't see how TOTALY AWSOME it looks...(totaly awsome results may very......a lot) Um yea so i have some friends on here....and my girlfriend plays this so i tried to find her but she wasnt on....and thats it for now. O LOOK A KITTY!!!!
gothic_hobo1 · Fri Apr 21, 2006 @ 04:50am · 2 Comments |
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