Why are times like these so hard?
A few nights ago I was able to get my boyfriend to admit he has downloaded a hentai ("by accident" he claims). He said he was amazed at how accurate the drawings were to real life and described a scene or two for me (one of the better ones I was to find out later). After telling me about this hentai, called NightShift Nurses, he seems kind of guilty I didn't accept this fully and seemed like he wished he hadn't told me. I was attempting to hide I was angry. A couple days went by and it started eating me inside. I became curious wanting to know how dirty his mind really must be, for I never knew about this before. When I first saw Nighshift Nurses I was extremely disgusted knowing his lovey eyes saw such disturbing things, and what I saw was an editied/censored small amv on YouTube. It made me so mad, what in the world was he thinking when he was seeing this? What in the world was he doing? It just made me sick to my stomach my innocent boyfriend could do this. I noticed also this one girl in NSN had pigtails and wore a short dress of course resembling a skirt, which completely made me angry for it reminded me of one time in which he asked me to put my hair up in pigtails and wear a shirt to his house one day. What if, in fact, he loved seeing such acts more than he loved me? What if he "loved me" just for the gender I am and what I have. I'm still a virgin and he says he wishes to wait 'til marriage for anything, I guess he's just curious but watching hardcore anime...? I have a right to be angry, don't I? I know a lot of guys his age probably look at porn and stuff but it gets me so mad and, jealous I guess. It kind of made me want to look up the things he did to make him feel this same horrid feeling (which I did) but I realized two wrongs never make a right and I stopped, I would make it only worse by making him think it acceptable. I really don't know what to do in a situation like this...
Definitions:
Hentai -- Japanese video or computer game that features pornographic content, usually in the form of anime-style artwork
NightShift Nurses -- (Also known as NSN) Hardcore Hentai rated NC-17 [more info on www.dvdvisionjapan.com/nurses.htm]
AMV -- Anime Music Video
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Her Deep Dark Secrets...x
Today when I woke up and was laying in my bed I realized now that I really need to have a journal because all my thoughts are starting to build up because I just can't let them out. No one knows who "Her Secret Thoughts", so my secrets rise.
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