Life is not a spectator's sport is what I am told. For if you watch, your life will pass you by so they say. I don't know. Sometimes it's better to watch your life and sometimes it's better to live your life. My life is full of complications and misunderstandings. Full of mishaps and misconduct.
Why do we love people who don't love us back? I don't know I've never been there before. Love is a big part of everyone's life. Including mine. I've felt so much pain and humiliation in my life. But love has kept me alive and sane........
Well until the day my love was taken from me. He was my best friend in the whole wide world. I loved him as a brother. My love for him ran deeper than any ocean. And was higher than any mountain. The earth can't hold the love that I felt for him. He loved me too but in a different way. Not one that I shared. He wanted to marry me. He wanted me to spend every waking second with him. But my love ran a different direction, one which he did not follow. But he understood me and my decision. He died in March 2004. 2 weeks before my birthday. The coincidence of it all. And that day a part of me died too. Nothing can complete the hole that he left. But maybe he returned the favor of me leaving a hole where it hurt most. His Heart.
I cried for weeks at time. Remember all of the glorious memories that I had of him. He is forever etched in my mind. Forever will he remain there. Than he came into my life. He who helped me see. James. My former boyfriend James helped me to realize alot of things about myself and my friend christian (the who died). He helped get through it. But I was afraid. Afraid of him and the world. I broke his heart because mine was broken as well.
But that is over 7 months ago. I am new found person and I have God to thank. He pulled me through when no one else could. He guided through all things and I am grateful. He gave me only what I needed and that was comfort and love. I consider myself lucky to be loved by someone so perfect. He shows me he loves through all that I do. He guides me through everything. THANK YOU JESUS FOR I AM TRULY BLESSED.
I am glad to share my thoughts with you. I hope they help you. I may not know you but I hope that one day I will. Peace be with you and yours.
Anarcha · Tue Oct 05, 2004 @ 01:00am · 1 Comments |