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push it all in the past... kick it all behind... kill the pain inside... just watch it crumble away... every inch of it... peice by peice... crumb by crumb... falling uncontrolably into a deep pit with no end... just kill it all every one ounce of pain... every inch or life... who needs it? who feels it? why does it exist? who do we exist? to live out horrible lives and let them crumble apart to nothing... where does it all go when we die? to the greedy or the creed... where no one cares that your dead only that they get what you worked hard for... or even working your life away for nothing and for tring to achieve happiness for it to rot away... love... joy... pish! its fake for the sake of making us wanting to be alive... then why are we really here? is this a sick mistake or what? not like i should talk b/c i work at a psyc hospital and i work with depressive people and the suicide and much much more... but i myself am depressed... i honestly ask myself why im here anymore... why i have to go thru this pain... why do i have to exist... work? pish... school? pish... life... im not happy with my life... not happy with most of my decisions.... im just miserable.. my memory has so many holes in it... im not happy with my past.. and most say just get over it but actually a past can ruin your future... scar you for life... force you to be something you dont wanted to be, or do something you wish would have never happened... I wish i could say no... i wish i didnt care anymore like i use to... i wish i was numb again... i wish ashley didnt find me.... i just... i dont want it anymore... none of it... maybe its the fact that im not taking my meds... that i dont want to anymore... maybe its that im tired of getting hurt... of people being so self centered... of no one asking me "whats wrong" why dont people see that im suffering and living a lie.... why do i take things so serriously? maybe its because I DONT KNOW WHATS REAL OR NOT ANYMORE! maybe its because people ******** with my head and it turns out so real! idk what im dong anymore... just let me starve myself and die
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