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wow. i just read an old journal i was writing back in high school. you think im a whiny b***h now? man, i was a loser eight fold. its not that i was a loser. its just that the simplest things brought me down. and whats worse is that now that i look through it, there were people who really cared for me. i had it at work today and my coworkers poked fun about how it was purple and how i would laugh at my memories. i just told them to shut up really cause my life is not one to be made fun of by anyone but me.

i sat there reading about how this girl said this, or how this other girl did that; and i said to myself that if today was like the butterfly affect movie, i would have talked to these people a lot differently then i would today. well maybe not totally everyone but im just saying ive matured and the journal is proof of it. i just wish back then i wasnt so whiny and afraid to talk to girls. i needed girlfriends. and i know of three just in the journal that i could have asked out if i just had enough courage back then. i even wrote that i was too afraid to talk face to face with one of them. even though she read the journal, i think i still had a chance...

oh well, enough of that. four day weekend starting right now.

Oh no! the all too common phrase known by the state troopers of the world!! buckle up kids and you wont have to pay a horrible fine while riding in your dads chevy. but enough of that!

I saw Click tonight. I love seeing new movies because i ALWAYS get that new movie high. you know the one im talking about. the one where all sorts of creative juices are flowing and you can't stop at nothing short of mental greatness. i totally am infatuated with the feeling. its way better then any drug/alcohol induced high i have ever experienced before in my past.

WHAT?!?!? DRUGS?!?!

We now reach an open point in my life where i can say that drugs are bad. drugs arent just bad for the reasons they tell you. its for the s**t you see for your own eyes. ive seen friends turn to enemies, people who had futures waste away in basements of some girls cousins house, and most of all ive gone insane over them. not just "hey i could use a hit" or any s**t like that. like one flew over the cukoos nest without having a toilet seat parachute crazy...

I take brief interludes to talk with my new friends and i forget what my point to my story or such was about... its totally how i am. i could spend two hours telling you a story that may as well have taken 10 minutes of your time. you only need to know the who, what, where, when, why and how but i need to tell you the details of each of those questions. i may even be sidetracked by my own life experiences and go into another story about something else and totally forget what i was talking about in the first place.

Well now, the high is over. my body and mind are slowing down and im afraid i realize that i have to be awake at 5 am. i hate the army. now dont get me wrong i dont hate the people in the army. i just hate the s**t i have to put up with. its a mere pimple on the back of it but i dont care! im aloud to piss and moan about my "shitty" days. Say something about it! i encourage it!

Well here I am. I don't go searching for websites but I'm pissed by not knowing about this. I'm especially pissed that I wasn't told about this by an untold somebody. What I think sucks even more hardcore suck a** is the template I chose for my journal looked cool when I was able to customize it on the template chooser. However, it was totally misleading due to the lack of customization I was able to do...

Enough bitching about the website. I'll figure all this s**t out eventually. My day... It wasn't as bad as it started out to be. They wanted me to do s**t at work that was impossible last week and still impossible this week yet they still want the impossible done. What sucks about this moment right now is that I'm supposed to learn the NCO Creed and here I am. Sitting right here. Not learning the NCO Creed. Oh well, I'll get to it later tomorrow cause I need to have it done by thursday. bleh...