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Are you sure I can't blow my brains out now?! |
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stare I'm getting really ******** sick of this. I look forward to the Weekend every week. At least two days to cool my jets and actually think about stuff that I want to. Do stuff I want to.....
And for the past month, all I've gotten for looking forward to that weekend is one of the two days ******** over by me having to work at the second job.
Wait, let me back up for those of you who don't know, which is probably no one since no one reads this anyway. You see, back a bit ago, I got a temporary job offer from a company called SAIC. They work me 20 hours a week, give or take, with 4 hours Monday through Friday. I've been there about 5 to 6 weeks. It's a job in the field I went to college for, so it's a good thing. However, since it is only a Temporary job, and more than likely will not pan out, I kept my job at Failure General (Dollar General) to "pay the bills."
However, being awake from 6:45 AM to 10:00 PM was killing me, especially when I had to work over 20 hours in FG, I asked for 3 day work weeks over there. You know, so I could keep from going batshit insane?
Every week I've asked for that, one of the three days is always a day on my weekend. The weekend that I work my a** off to obtain, I get half of it shat on just to keep my boss afloat.
Well this ******** week, I got a godsend. I got to have an extra day off, Monday, because Memorial Day is a day of closed for SAIC. So here I am all excited because there's NO WAY that he could possibly take that from me. Absolutely not, right? At the very least, I could have two days off, amiright?
******** no I'm not. Thursday Night, I should have died in my damn sleep. Today, Friday that is, was so ******** stressful with the excess pressure being dumped at me, being told that if I don't finish the project before leaving today, I lose my Monday, thus staying an extra hour and 15 minutes there just to finish off the project and rush home just to change into my other work clothes. I nearly got myself killed about 5 times today to and from both jobs, and when I get to my second job I'm informed that because of some stupid thing that the bigger boss wants done I lose both SATURDAY AND SUNDAY NIGHT. Instead of getting a Friday, I get a WEDNESDAY for today.
Now, if all that other s**t wasn't bad enough, I can't sleep because I'm so goddamn worried about the sketch I had to rush at my first job just so I could get to my second.
So, I ask you again. Are you sure I can't blow my brains out now?
 Lemme Borrow that Mule · Sat May 24, 2008 @ 06:49am · 1 Comments |
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*cracks knuckles* I gots a plan! |
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Yeah, a plan....
As you may or may not have noticed, I'm actually trying to make my universe written on Gaia and drawn on DA. My hope is to drag people kicking and screaming into my journal and have them read it, excited to see what's happening with them currently. Of course, that's why I have been writing backstories and making blanks lately. To add in anything and everything you'd need to know to get involved, or just to learn more about, my universe.
So thus, I have a plan of how to make life much simpler for those who read from the beginning. At first, it was just going to be the archive, which I think would work if anyone actually cared to read it. However, I'm thinking of going back and editing each of my old entries with a few links. The links would take you to the next page, and the previous page, respectively. Not to mention I'd probably throw in a special link to the archive, and maybe some other links, not too sure yet.
So what'cha'll think?
Lemme Borrow that Mule · Tue Apr 29, 2008 @ 12:22pm · 1 Comments |
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As you may have noticed... |
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To anyone who has been keeping up with my Gaia Journal lately, or been patiently awaiting new art on my DA account, this journal is for you.
Group A: Those who read Journals of my main account:
You may have noticed that I have been introducing one new character at least every entry, give or take. This is because I've been working on making my Gaia Journal more of a ongoing story of the Silent Beast, Bloodfang and the others of the house, whilst my DA will be artistic renderings of those people. Of course, this means that I need to have them all exist in the house before I can submit the links on both sides. Tedious I know, and the characters backstories may slightly change, but it's for the better. Makes them more... flowalicious, as it were. Any characters past that which are introduced with make an appearance on my DA page as well...
Group B: Those who have been waiting for new art on DA
Now, you may have seen that I did add one new drawing recently, which was just a photo edit. That's mainly for two reasons. 1) I have an artistic block, which is pretty strange. it's not letting me finish the inking of the third drawing on that list. However, it did allow me to start a new project. A little thank you gift to a select group of people, one of which is a member of Gaia already, which I am almost finished coloring the first. Unfortunately, they are private until I am given permission to post them. That first one is made to be private. Reason 2, I've been writing a lot.
Lemme Borrow that Mule · Tue Mar 04, 2008 @ 06:24pm · 1 Comments |
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Just feeling a bit blah lately. Not sure if it's sick or not but it's something. My brain is fogged and it's hard to get ideas out. My body itself gets randomly tired on me, yet my personality flip flops every three minutes. Anyone know what's wrong with me?
Does anyone even read this crap?
Lemme Borrow that Mule · Mon Jan 28, 2008 @ 04:49pm · 3 Comments |
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Many of you might give a damn as to what will happen to the stories I write behind every deviantART drawing I draw. I've decided that I'll either just scrap that, or write them all down into a personal Word-like document and post them when the time is right, if ever.
Lemme Borrow that Mule · Wed Jan 02, 2008 @ 06:42pm · 0 Comments |
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Just a few things I'd like to put out there... |
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Well, I've decided on a few things I want to say. This is a journal about me, so I'm going to make this entry solely about me.
First things first, obviously, I'm not a girl. I'm actually a boy. I RP a girl in many different places, but I'm 100% p***s Endowed Man. 20 years old, fresh out of college and a bit of an artist.
I draw a myriad of things, ranging from cool drawings all the way to fetish works. I don't draw for recognition, or for fame, I draw because I want to express myself as a person, and show the world that I still have an artistic mind despite my chosen career path. In fact, I wrote this to explain better: http://zuchax.deviantart.com/art/Why-I-draw-32090602 Now, whether or not I agree that I am that person, I won't say.
Now to get to the rest of that first statement. I draw things I find cool. Whether that be my characters doing cool stuff, or other people's characters doing awesomely cool stuff, or just cool people's characters in general. I love people for that. Coming up with ideas that I myself hadn't thought of before. I love it so much that I draw it/them to build up my own mind and see what develops. I hate when I find that someone else has come up with an idea before I could get it to paper but I think that's just how s**t goes.
Also, I do dabble in some fetish work. What that means, is that the drawing is meant to be sexy or attractive to a certain group of people. I wish I could dabble in all my fetishes but the only one I am honestly able to portray is my weight gain/fat drawings. I've only drawn a few but I feel comfortable with my anatomy to draw fatness to a way I at least find appealing. Other than that I haven't particularly tried, but I'm not interested in trying.
While I'm on the subject of fetishes, I would like to list the ones I find "sexy."
First off, I really enjoy girls getting fat, being fattened or just showing off their bigness. Watching those bodies jiggle and squish as they walk, move or just be fat is so attractive it gives me chills just thinking about it.
In fact, I call myself an expansionist, because as long as they grow, I find them sexy. Especially when they widen. If by air, water, magical force, or even the food they inject, I'm enamored and blatantly in love.
Now there are certain expansions that I don't find as sexy, but still find interesting. One of which is something known as GTS. Basically, it's a very very tall girl. Now I like them both destructive and gentle, even klutzy and bumbling. It's the only time I actually like a blond.
There's also my strange position on Vore. When I see it drawn, I tend to be uninterested, until the end result shows the expanded belly of the girl. I've had to get used to it, but I even find myself intrigued seeing the face and hand prints in the body, as it digests the eaten prey. Not saying I'd want to see this in real life but it is pretty damn sexy in theory. In fact, all of these fetishes I have are fine in writing, and drawings but honestly, past 500 pounds isn't really something I'd force upon someone. But in fantasy, I'd gladly force any girl up to extreme amounts....
My next thing I'd like to say about myself is that I'm really shy. Ridiciously. IF you've ever talked to me online, you'll notice that when I first meet you, I'm a bit uncomfortable IMing you, but I slowly warm up. Well that's how I am in most of life. Although, when it comes to jobs, or schooling, or any of that, I'm the absolute opposite. Not because I want to be, but because I have to be. I really don't like being with people. I love to be alone, as long as I am not lonely, if that makes sense.
Finally, I don't want to see a damn comment about "tl;dr" about this journal entry. I put my heart and soul into this. All I want is the decency to have someone respond to this. It's me telling you about me. It's not some Emo Rant, it's just straight cold hard facts.
Lemme Borrow that Mule · Thu Oct 25, 2007 @ 06:02am · 0 Comments |
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I've been thinking. Really hard.
I was watching Cowboy Bebop and a little Inuyasha on Adult Swim, and realized something.
Most people will b***h a lot about Inuyasha, and I wish to address three things I've heard.
Thing one: "Inuyasha is DBZ for girls"
Hardly. If it was DBZ for girls, it would have more realistic girls getting multiple guys, and that girl having to fight off all suitors of her boyfriend(s). It's not even close.
Thing Two: "Oh yes, I saw Inuyasha... When it was FUSHIGI YUUGI!"
Bull. There are two similarities, of course, but not much past it. Yes, FY has a girl in it that gets transported to another world, in this case a book, who is saved by a charming man. Yes, she's supposed to be looking for something, which is people. But that's it. It's got more Tenchi Muyo if Tenchi was a girl in it than Inuyasha. Honestly, there's only two guys who care for the main character, and one of them is only interested about half the time, when his Ex girlfriend isn't around. Not to mention the fact that in Fushigi Yuugi, the marks are not invisible to everyone except that specific girl, it's just that she happens to be the most attractive one they could find. With Kagome, she is necessary to locate hidden shards, and no other woman could fill the spot, that isn't pissed off at the main character. Besides, it's her mess, so she becomes obligated.
Spoilers of Inuyasha Ahead:
Thing Three: "Inuyasha's Ending sucks! No one dies and it's so bloody open ended!"
Yeah, I will have to admit the last sentence is true. No one is dead at the end of the series, the Shikon Jewel is still broken apart and to be honest, there's not much conflict resolution, as far as I know. However, if you look at it sensibly, you discover something odd. The plot of Inuyasha isn't really broken into Sagas. It's a straight shot. What I mean by this is that if you have ever watched DBZ, or Naruto, you'll be able to identify certain chunks of episodes as "Sagas," which are a series of episodes exploring the plot of one particular scenario. For example, In DBZ, there's a saga that deals entirely with dealing with a coming problem of powerful men coming to destroy the world. They spend many an episode exploring how they will handle these men and then once they are defeated, there's some filler then the next saga begins.
With Inuyasha, however, there are no sagas. There are a few introduction episodes, then a big saga that ends it. It basically acts at a very long, extended 26 episode Anime. Girl discovers Magical artifact in her body. She removes it and accidentally shatters it. Boy wants magical powers from artifact, needs girl to find it, and thus, the series is a saga of collecting the shards.
Now, along their journey, they meet many different people, some of which come to help them. If you break down each and every one of their stories, you'll find a common element. The character known as Naraku has wronged them, and they believe that the Sacred Jewel will rectify his horrors.
To take an example straight from the Anime, we go to The two episodes I saw tonight. The revival of Kikyou, and the introduction of Miroku. Now, up to date, Kagome has met Inuyasha, a cold Demon man who has a mysterious past (to this point) that seems very rude. She has recently met Shippou, who showed her the kinder side of demons and that not all demons are evil, and thus giving her some hope in Inuyasha.
When Kikyou is revived and spots Inuyasha, she spews forth a story about how Inuyasha betrayed and killed her. In turn, Inuyasha describes his verison of the story and we are shown how greatly they differ. For them to both be right, some foul play must be involved. Kikyou disappears and the next episode begins.
In the next episode, we meet Miroku, who has a curse in his hand from Naraku, and is questing for the Shikon Jewel Shards to meet up with and hopefully kill Naraku before his curse kills him. His story reveals that the foul play of Kikyou and Inuyasha's past was done by the same man. Miroku ends up joining up with the group because Kagome asks him along, and he has no intention on using the power of the jewel.
Now that just might be linking two minor plot points along, but I think it shows my point rather nicely. What takes a normal series one or two episodes, it takes this series up to 5 or 6. They are spreading out their plot into tiny droplets and there was little to no resolution because it was unnecessary.
These are just thoughts, though.
Lemme Borrow that Mule · Fri Oct 05, 2007 @ 07:52am · 0 Comments |
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IT must be be international "Make Chazu Cry" day.. |
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Great, I was happy for a while, kinda disappointed about a friend still being missing but I was doing ok. Then today happened and I'm trying to stop crying right now. Maybe it'll get better but I ******** doubt that.
First thing that started it was something I've been working on for a while now for a person I respected. Notice the past tense. It was a drawing for his birthday. I sent him two seperate links for it, of which he replied to the comment they were in, but did nothing towards the drawing. Not even A GODDAMN COMMENT to tell me he appreciated the thought.
Next thing was the fact that I haven't heard word from Zee all day. I love the hell out of her and being apart from her hurts, just a little bit.
Next, I felt pretty bad when my parents didn't even think to introduce me to their friend who happened to be visiting today but did have enough time to force me to help our neighbor get hier DVD/VCR working.
Then after all that, I had no one to talk to before work, which doesn't help. I lost all of my bloody sketches that I've been working on forever, again, and that was all before work.
At work, it was a fairly stressful yet normal day of me dealing with rude people and blah. Not much bad happened but I just kept feeling lower and lower as time went on.
I was picked up by my father yet again and had to listen to him full rant on my a** because I apparently don't do enough to get a ******** job and leave. He then decided to get on my case about how I never leave my room, because every time I do I get ranted at, and how I never talk to them, due to the fact that our conversations make me ******** nervous and that it always ends up leading to how much of a disappointment I am to them as far as I can tell.
Yeah, I'm a ******** p***y and I really don't care. I think one of these days like this, I'll just take the toaster and throw it in a goddamn bathtub so I die quickly. Probably since I such a bloody failure I'll only end up having minor injuries and I'll rot in jail for the rest of my life for attempted suicide.
Lemme Borrow that Mule · Fri Sep 07, 2007 @ 02:55am · 0 Comments |
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Well, it's been a damn long time since I wrote one of these.
Lemme catch you up on my life. I graduated College this July, still haven't found a job in my field, however, I do have a job.
Woot for money makers!
I've been very pressed for writing ideas, for some reason. I think it's all this rage and depression building up that blocked off my writing, but now I'm mostly better I think and will have more writing in my main account.
Mmm... I think that's all for now. Oyasumi! *falls asleep*
Lemme Borrow that Mule · Sat Aug 25, 2007 @ 06:35pm · 4 Comments |
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