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<3 You and I fell in love... |
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<******** the rules... ******** the system... Whoever gets there first wins!^^</center>
Tatsuha-san · Wed Jun 15, 2005 @ 02:01am · 4 Comments |
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MOre confused then yesterday... |
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<center>I don't get why this is all happening. I'm sure she was trying to help, but I think it's making things worse.
This is torture....
Abstentine, Kris, Jamie...
How the ******** am I supposed to know who to pick????
First I was all alone, and now I have more then i bargained for....
..s**t..</center>
Tatsuha-san · Sat Jun 11, 2005 @ 04:59pm · 1 Comments |
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Just tell me you feel the same... |
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<center>"*gently rubs my tongue against yours and pulls back slowly, smiling a little*"
Good God, I'm falling further in love with you. I'm sinking like a rock to the ocean floor. Like a boulder off a cliff. I'm drowning in your bittersweet words, and I can't breath...
But she... She's there everyday, and all those days bring us closer. He couldn't pull us apart. And no one will. At least I hope so... Could my love for you result in a life changing decision?
I thought I was happy being a cheap whore. I thought I was happy with the one night stands, the pleasure ********, but now I'm not so sure.
I don't know who I would choose if it came down to it. He's everything I've always wanted... But she's made me look past a gender...
For some reason I feel both of these loves are forbidden. Someone help me figure out what I truly want. Who I truly desire.
I know she'd never say it out loud, but I know it kills her when I loose my conversation with her, to go talk to him....
Oh blissful nothingness, save me from love!</center>
Tatsuha-san · Tue Jun 07, 2005 @ 04:51am · 3 Comments |
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Sorry my dear loving friends... |
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<center>I'm sorry about yesterdays story. I realize that its quite a downer.^^ Heh...What a tragic epic.
I guess all is well. I may or may not have his love, but I shall love him regaurdless.
Maybe yesterday what he told me was true. Maybe I shouldn't fall in love with guys with the exacto knife complex. Its a rather sorrowful life.
"I'm melting in your eyes..." Those lyrics are just sinking in...Listening to the band bring me a whole new look on life with one word...
Bert McCracken...He's a wise man. He sends me a convex look on the world of a cutter. If there is a God I'm sure its him.
Either him Or Jepha Howard...but I only like Jeph cause he wore a shirt that says "Straight boys kissing makes me hot". I found it amusing. Hm...maybe he's bi...God that would be a great thing!*continues rambling about his love for the various members from the Used*&such a fan girl&
*loving sigh* Anywho...
Tim,I swear if I cry once more on your account it won't be you commiting the murder or yourself. Thought you should know... I am over you for good and I hope you have a lovely life, and assuming you live past the age of 30, I will be there to put you to rest as I have promised.
As for you, Abstentine, It would mean more then the world if you could ever think of me the same way I do of you. The very thought of you sends chills up mine spine. I'm sorry there's not a less cheapened word to explain how i feel, less of a cliche then the word "love", but thats the only why I can put it in few words. Maybe one day I'll be able to tell you all the words of my true feeling for you, but I don't think there's enough time in our lives for that...^^ heart
Tirynie, I hope you know I love you. I mean for real, you are probably the only girl I'll ever have true feelings of love for. You mean the world to mee and I desperatly need you to know that.
Ana Banana, you as well need to know I love you. All this s**t going on in your life will be over one of these days. Never give up. No matter how much it hurts things do get better. How do you think i made it through my life without knowing that. Just don't do the one thing I'm so ashamed of...Don't put on a fake smile and alwasys show your feelings. Thats the only way you get over it truely. If you bottle it up it will come out violently and painfully and you don't deserve that.
Anyone else I've hurt in my life...Forgive me and please help me get through it, cause friends is all i have right now. I need you...</center>
Tatsuha-san · Sun Jun 05, 2005 @ 10:56pm · 2 Comments |
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Once again the boy was all alone and yet the smile stayed. |
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<center>Once upon a time, a women gave birth to a son. The father was no where to be found when the screaming child was ripped away from the safe haven of the womb.
This wasn't an ordinary family; A slut and a baby.
The slut was never home. Always drunk and high off of whatever drug she could get her filthy whoreish hands on.
The boy was alone. Neighbors watched him daily feeling sorry for this boy. He was raising himself by the age of 5 when his beloved aunt, who wasn't his aunt at all, died.
Poor women...
And the more poor boy...
He went through school.Thank god for his ablity to cover the truth. It made him almost feel normal until he came home to an empty house everyday, just waiting till she stumbled in. High as a kite, clamy feeling to the touch from the rush.
I guess the next part of the tale was to be foreseen.
The slut died.
Accident or not, the drugs engulfed her. And now she was gone.
The boy was alone for real, and only 9.
Where would the boy go now? Foster care.
His life story gets lost between the families he was tossed to. He was getting better at faking a life by now. His skills would only improve.
Now at the age of 15, he began to have feelings of lust; but not for the opposite sex. Boys: thats all he could think about. He tried dating girls, but it wasn't working out.
Then he found Josh...
Oh, dear sweet Joshua...
The most beautiful boy in the world. What some would call a puck, or a rocker. That didn't matter to the boy. All he knew is that he was sure he had fallen in love...
And who would have guess that the 18 year old Josh had the same obsured attraction to males.
It was a match made in heaven...or hell.
At the time that didnt matter. They were in love and no one would stop them. Not even the homophobic foster parents of the moment.
Then it came... That fateful day...
The boy had seen the scars on his boyfriends stomach. Up and down his arms. He thought nothing of it.
Till the night he called...
Joshua hadn't seen that boy all day, but he called to check up on him, being the sweet lil blondy he was. He told the bnoy how much he loved him and wished he always could be with him. Then he broke up with the boy, and again the boys was alone...
I only wish that was true...
In fact, Josh had not broken his love off with his boyfriend.
In fact, the last words Joshua said to the boy were "I love you and I'll miss you."
My guess is that the gun was already pressed against his skull at this time.
Then he did it. Right on the phone with the boy. All the boy heard was the sound of the gun as it dropped to the floor and the thud of a dead body against a hardwood floor. The boy fell to the ground in tears...
As saddend as he was by this, the smaile on his face never faded, and not a week later, the day of his funeral, his parents took him back to the ophange.
Who whould want a 16 year old born from a stupid dead whore?
One family took him in though, and he continued to smile.
Oh, the fateful Saturday!
He had met his true love. A gorgeous boy with brown locks and was oh so emo.
One problem....His love was straight.
But the boy was determined to make his love his.
Hoozaaaaa!!
He had done it!
The love was only a bit experimental, and randomly one day just swept the boy off his feet and took him away from the home that was not his home.
Thank all the heavens, the boy was 18 and with the love of his life. It was perfect. The boy befriended all his lovers friends and it looked as though thigs might turn themselves around. The boy might actually have a nice life!
This was not true. Even though the boy had been saved by the lover and taken far from his home with his new friends. The bliss would stay for a few months and at one time the boy was to be married to his dear lover.
Then it hit te boy. Strange scars covered his lovers body.
It was what the boy called "The Josh effect".
He implored his lover to stop, but he fought hard and thought he had made the problem go by.
Then his lover just broke up with him. No reason told.
This is only half the story of his 18th year of life. Along with his lover, the online boyfriends piled up, till he couldn't handle it anymore and he dropped them all one by one.
That fact alone haunts him till this day...
Once again the boy was all alone, only his online friends to save him daily from his suicide surrender.
And yet the smile stayed.
Untill of course he told another of his past...
And once again he gave his heart to an online love interest.A possible savior.
Unfortunatly, only the one they call "God" would know whats next for the boy....</center>
Tatsuha-san · Sun Jun 05, 2005 @ 03:05am · 1 Comments |
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A place where the restless soul sleeps... |
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<center> I miss him dearly... Its only been days and yet it feels like years. I really think you are the one. I feel you near me...
Have you thought of me the past few days? If so, it would be enough if you only thought of me once. That alone would make me happy, at least for a while.
You know what? I think I'm in love with you... Yes... Abstentine...I love you. heart </center>
Tatsuha-san · Sun Jun 05, 2005 @ 02:08am · 1 Comments |
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Would you be my little cut? |
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<center>Perhaps last night was a dream. It certainly didn't seem like my life. Maybe he just might be the one to lead me through the shadows. He's already dragged me out of the tunnel.
It's dark in there...
I wish more people knew who I was, not the facade of my wilted smile. Maybe that's my own fault. Maybe I should open up to more people.
The last time I did that, I lost the one thing I cared about.
I really wish I could hate you, loath you, detest you like he does. I just can't. It hurts both of us that I can't get over it. No!...That I won't get over it. No matter how hard I try. You're the ghost who haunts me.
~~~ who? More like ~~~ the phantom.
Please lead me from hell. Your all that I've got. And I'm sick of the loneliness, but you know that. I told you. You know everything about me. More then people I've know for much longer.
Maybe that one night will lead to a greater love...Please, baby, please....Be my savior.</center>
Tatsuha-san · Thu Jun 02, 2005 @ 03:30am · 1 Comments |
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