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dont be surprised if this makes no sence, i'm somewhat tired and have no idea what i'm going to write about, but whatever. here goes.

DONKEY THE FIRST

it was a dark evening, and the moon was not there, whatever that's called. a donkey wandered to where we're looking, he was a grey one. he wondered slightly closer eating grass as he wandered, he gave a perplexed look at you and said "... eeh-oor" followed by "but seriosly, i can talk english" then he got you to follow him and you wandered along beside.

you came to the end of your journey and got hit in the face by a large object, the donkey asked if you were ok, you are fine. you wonder what hit you, you cant see it anywhere, the donkey explains there are some strange booby traps around here, you ask where you are but he says nothing, you both continue inside and towards a large door with an unknown language scribbled all over it "that's just the crazy cult talk, they mean for it only to make them look more impressive" the cult is one with quite alot more sence to it then it seems, they try to seem more mythical then they are for show. they are also on the other side of this door as the donkey just told you, he says you'll need to pass an initiation test to join and you wonder if you even want to join this strange cult you know so little about. the donkey explains you need to join for what you really want, so you open the door and there are about ten figures in long robes gathered around a strange shrine, quite like you had expected this cult to seem like, the shrine is of a god type person you've never seen before, with strange faceial features and an odd shaped body, almost alien. a robe clad cultish approaches you "it is time for the test our member told you of" he gestures to the donkey, but as you turn around to see the donkey, you realize he is no longer a donkey.

you are led to a strange room with a distinctive orange smell, you follow the cultists down the long room decorated with statues like the one in the main room, or what you thought was the main room till you reach the other side of this room and go through the door, a gigantic underground lair awaits your, dark and dingey and filled with cultists high up on seats all pointed in your direction, the people who led you in here stop and tell you to go into the center of the room, you go there, when you get to the center you stop, wait, and blink.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biJtuGHH0U4

First off, you'll need monkey servants; secondly you’ll need to teach them to use guns. AK 47s are a nice monkey gun. when you have all your monkeys and guns ready you may want to think about getting them some armour, even if they don’t need it its still nice to have armour, it looks so cool. When your basic weapon, armour and monkey needs are fulfilled you just need to teach them to kill George bush. Or alternatively, (if you don’t have monkey mind control techniques) give them all rabies and dump them in the white house. This way is more violent, which is always nice. But the rabies infecting phase can be quite hard. after all these steps are complete I suggest taping video cameras to their heads to catch some of the monkey-white house guard violence biggrin after George bush is dead, try decapitating him and gold-plaiting his head so you can keep it as a trophy of your achievement. thus endeth todays monkey servant seminar.

i went to the zoo and there were monkeys and there was one that looked cool so i breaked into the exibit to high five him but then he started talking to me and tried to get me to free him and i said i cant ill be kicked out of the zoo and he said that if i didnt help him escape he'd call his monkey chums and they'd all kick me really hard and i'd die so i said ill help them escape and he said we should hide a bear trap near the enterance and when the zoo keeper comes in he'd get his leg cut off then we could cut all his other limbs off and kick his face till he died and then i said we could just go through the air vents so we climbed through them and escaped then i said what do we do now? and they said lets get ice cream!!!!! so we got ice cream but i drugged the ice creams with magic so now i have an army of monkey servants to kill george bush with biggrin

yesterday I fell out my bed, then some alien guy called Fred came into my room and helped my up, he said i might have a nasty concussion so he should take me to the hospital, he took me to his spaceship where we flew to his crazy alien hospital and the doctor gave me some crazy medicine but then some crazy evil alien dudes showed up and took my medicine, Fred said they were the evil Kevin's hired goons and told me they must be using the medicine for evil purposes so we chased after them in his space ship and we were all like WHEEEEW WHEEEEEEEEW WHEEEEEEW until he told me we cant make a sound in space so it was more like ".......... ............ ........" and then I said we should probably be concentrating on stopping the evil aliens instead of discussing science, so he said ok go get that really big gun over there and shoot them so I shot them and it was all like "........" and then their ship crashed on some planet so we flew down and boarded their ship and I said "give me my medicine back you big meanie, and he said "ok, we got the wrong medicine anyway, this is "100001111011000111110110010100" we want "100001111011000111110110010101"" (aliens language is binary) so then we flew back to the doctors because he didn't tell me what dosage to take the medicine in but then he told us they had switched my "100001111011000111110110010100" with "100001111110011110111112010100001010" and it turned out hey did need "100001111011000111110110010100" and they had tricked us so we went back to the planet the guys who were goons had crashed on and told them I wanted my medicine back so then we had a fight with lasers and they shot us into a little room and locked us in their and said "were taking you to Kevin evil lair thingy that's a planet so he can decide what to do with you" and then we flew there and Kevin was all evil and stuff and said he was going to place us in an easily escapable environment in which we will die and then leave us there and assume we would die while he uses the 100001111011000111110110010100 along with the 10011111110001010110000101 and the 111101001011111110000011111010100011111111 and the 2 to start his evil and ridiculously complicated plot involving some sort of death ray or virus or something so he shut us in a room with some crazy space crocodiles and stuff and went of to take over the world or something and we escaped and then just before he destroyed some planet or killed some people or something we pushed some button that stopped the bad things from happening and pushed him into some room of cockroaches where they killed him in some way that referred to some plotline from earlier on that I don't really care about in some sort of ironic way so then Fred said go get your "100001111011000111110110010100" and I said I felt better and I didn't really need it but I do need a cup of tea so we went and had some tea and biscuits and they were nice, then I woke up and got back into bed and had some more dreams about aliens and stuff, it was good.

also, Chibi Ume is good

Today I was "chillin'" with Clints mate Kevin and we started talking about advance scientific theories, "so wait, he killed a cat with radiation to show that photons are weird?" I said, "Yes" he rebottled with, "he wasn’t exactly the nicest scientist" he followed. This conversing in the general area of sub atomic particles went on for a while until I saided "all these string theories don’t really help me get my wings though... sad " He told me that every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings. so all I needed to do was to find the guy who gives angels wings and make him think I'm an angel then ring a load of bells, "that'll be god then" said I, so we started stacking ladders on top of each other to try and get to heaven, after the ladder tower toppled over and killed several people we got a taxi there. In heaven we wondered round a bit looking for god, while we were looking we saw Hitler and I said "Shouldn’t you be in hell?", "no, I didn’t really kill all those people, it was the goldfish" he said, "fair enough" I replied. we then found god and started our elaborate plan, I held a round bit of nearly halo like cardboard on top of my head and started ringing bells, nothing happened so I just started shouting at him to give me wings, he said that it wasn’t him that gives angles wings, its Brian who works down the chippy, "the chippy in heaven?" said Kevin, "no, the chippy in Letchworth" said god. So we went there and we did the thing with the halo and brian said, he told me he knows I'm not an angel. I said "it’s the cardboard halo right?" he said it’s because with all the arson I’ve done, I’m going to hell, not heaven. (I knew I probably shouldn’t burn down that orphanage) he told me that there’s an offer with a bag of large chips where I get free wings so I got some chips and we ate chips and now I've got wings biggrin