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1. UPC symbol on the back of the neck
2. Gets sick and dies two weeks after its warranty expires
3. No nose hairs
4. Constantly refers to itself as a “person product”, not a person
5. Decorates the house with fake plants
6. Instead of going home to sleep, refers to going home to download new system software
7. Drinks motor oil
8. Has no computer or cell phone, but constantly flips up its palm to “check email”
9. Seems to have a beeping noise coming from within its elbow
10. Watches The Terminator every night
11. Never goes to the Doctor, but has an annual checkup at the garage
12. When you say, “I’m feeling drained,” gets you an extension cord
13. Says its ethnicity is Motorola
14. Refers to Data on Star Trek: The Next Generation as one of “my people”
15. At your kid’s birthday party, goes up to your child, says, “Say cheese!” and then blinks really fast
16. Refers to Popular Mechanics as pornography
17. Describes its nightly habit of star gazing as “participating in SETI”