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Ok so everything is different now. I never really realized it until now. Sitting here in my room all alone, I find a sense of comfort. Never before have I felt that way when alone. But I guess when you have been with a bunch of people for a couple of weeks; you find being alone is a good thing.
The darkness still hasn’t set in, and I am writing in the light of the fading sun. I am too lazy to stand up and turn on the light above me so I write by the sun. Whenever you get the chance to be alone, do you ever find yourself wondering things you never have before? I tend to wonder how things changed all of the sudden. One thing is for sure, I needed change, and I got it.
Now I that I am older I need to act it. I can’t play the childish games I once did and I definitely cannot mess around. College is coming up around the corner and I need to push myself to the finish line.
Setting out into the world on my own can prove the hugest change I have had yet. But I am sure I can find other ones in my future. My future isn’t that far away anymore. I have fallen in love, more than once, and so far I have loved one man for a while. We are together in a sense, marriage seemed promising, but I have met some one new. They know who they are. I talk to them 24/7 and it is quite the journey. We may not know it yet but we are meant to be, in one way or another.
Who is to say that our hearts won’t change? The distance is a killer for me. He isn’t that far if I were to think about it though I miss him terribly and it seems like he is a continent away. Is that really what love does to you? I guess I am slowly finding out. He is closer than some, but farther than others, and some how he found a way to wrap his fingers around my heart keeping with him always. I am continually thinking of him. Especially when I am not talking to him. I can’t help but to do that.
There are other things occupying my mind. Schooling, family, friends, and life itself, are all dancing in my head. How can I feel alone with all these thoughts I end up mulling over? I guess I never really am alone until my mind is at ease.
And laying down now, as the sun finally fades away into the ocean of the dark sky, I close my eyes to see him, smiling, and everything floats away as I begin to dream.