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So here I am, stressed over random bullshit, saw my cousin the other day with EWW, yeah, anyways, I suddenly take my eyes off my close family. Hoping and praying the rest of them with be ok as well...
I MEAN, I dunno
We got a call here at the house, my cousin's pregnant again, exactly what my grandfather feared. ANYWAYS, this'll be his 6th child, HONESTLY, IS HE BUILDING AN ARMY!!??
I dunno, i doubt any of this makes sense.
Questions are beginning to destroy any clearity I had, I like this girl who, HONESTLY, we'd have no buisness being together, and yet, I dunno. Church makes things more ******** up. And this is the first blog I've done on Gaia that doesn't have indents. OH HOW THE WORLD FALLING CAN BRING YOU BACK TO NORMALITY.
I mean, I've always liked being more single than dating, yet the moment I break up with Heather I suddenly grow attached to a pastor's daughter. HONESTLY, ME and a PREACHER'S DAUGHTER, WHAT AM I THINKING.
Either way, I'm kinda ranting on. My cousin and her bf hope this one's a boy, and if it is they'll name it Isiah Brooke.
ALRIGHT, IM DONE!!!
im going to go try to sort things out before I explode
thanks for reading
Whoever Said "The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword" HAD A HELL OF A JABBING ARM
 Osirus X · Fri Feb 22, 2008 @ 01:51am · 0 Comments |
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Ignorance and the Self-Destructing Family |
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Ever since I started high school I've been able to sum up the mass majority within a few seconds, ALL WITH QUITE GOOD OUTCOMES. I say this because there've been quite a few people who after a few seconds of talking with them I've grown to hate them. All with good reason, one of them dropped out, has had a kid, and spent time in a correctional facility for rape, another because he was married, dating my mother, hit her with an SUV and soon after ended up GAY. OH HOW DESTINY IS A b***h!!!
ANYWAYS...
I bring this up because within the past year and a half, my oldest cousin has the family of somone I've hated for quite a while, and being the drunk whore that her parents raised her to be, screwed this person's older brother. NOW, normally I'd hear about this from somebody and swat it off with a, "CONSIDER THE SOURCE"
but a few weeks later older cousin was staying with us in our apartment for some reason that was unannouced to anyone in the family OTHER than my mother. Within that week while we were all sitting in the car without my oldest cousin my mom, LIKE THE GOSSIP HER MOTHER TAUGHT HER TO BE, told us that she was pregnant.
HUH???!!!
Once again, DESTINY IS A b***h!!! I honestly dont mind the family that we've now been stuck to, they're decent people. Decent POOR, 2 MORE CHILDREN AWAY FROM HAVING THEIR OWN COUNTRY people. Yet, now we have a beautiful 1 year old girl that seems to keep my grandmother's mind off her deceast husband. I bring that up to state another fact that HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF. Today I learned that one of my younger cousins is now dating a self-proclaimed *****, necropheliac and pyromaniac. AND SHE IS UNDERAGE!!! while he's 19 I think.
And honestly, EVERYONE dates somone they regret later, I HAVE SEVERAL OF THOSE. BUT IN THIS FAMILY, where 1 to 2 deaths a year is common, hard times seem so easy to come across and drug/alcohal addictions are always a good excuse for somone to steal $600 from you, I THINK THIS MIGHT BE BIGGER THAN JUST A REGRET!!!
Thanks for reading...
Osirus X · Fri Feb 22, 2008 @ 01:47am · 0 Comments |
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Everything Happens For A Reason...
I start this entry off with that, because it's what I've lived by since before I can remember. Sometimes I questioned it, but now, now I know it's true. I know people who doubt that, think they're bound to end up alone, in a house full of cats. Honestly, you never know, YOU COULD, and theres nothing you can do about it. Life is a stream, and if you dont go with it, your going against it. Alot of people dont know what gone on with me in the past year. So, here it is, I've lost 6 people in the past year. The only father figure I've ever had, and other family members. People send you their condolences, but never their love. It's taken me a long time for me to figure that out, it's also taken longer than that to figure out who my real friends are.
I also found out that I needed help, the week of Christmas I spent it in a mental help facility. After I posted a bulletin on Myspace that people described as Suicidal/Homicidal. The week there was a way for me to wind down, and a benchmark for me to find out who my real friends are. I was given medication, and after the two weeks I had gotten out, I stopped taking them. At first it was idiotic, I had to fight the depression again and the certain tendencies that comes with it and I overcame them. What seemed impossible became achievable, happiness.
As the depression faded so did the anxiety, I became clear headed, all I needed was to find out who I needed in life, and church. I KNOW ITS VERY CLICHE'. CHURCH, but honestly, I think it was a main turning point. I've gone through life floating in the river, letting whatever come hit me and then telling myself, ITLL BE OK, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON...
How All This Becomes Significant
Floating has helped me see the way. It's helped me get to my feet again. It's helped me realize what I want to do with my life. Something I could never think of before, AND NOW, I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE. Through the clear-headedness I've had alot of realizations, the biggest one though. Happened randomly. I was standing next to the stove in the kitchen making dinner, thinking about talking to my buddy Nick, telling him about a band that he hated, but now he had a chance of liking. When it came to me.
I LOVE WRITING
I LOVE PEOPLE READING WHAT I WRITE
I LOVE MUSIC
I LOVE FEEDBACK
Music Journalist, the words just popped in my head. Then a question
WHY HAVEN'T I REALIZED THIS SOONER
The reason they didn't is because I wasn't ready, couldn't be ready. IF IT WASNT FOR ME DOING NOTHING, I COULDN'T HAVE HAD A FULL NIGHT WITH MY GRANDFATHER IN THE HOSPITAL, I COULDN'T HAVE HAD THAT ENJOYMENT OF BEING THERE, ALONE WITH HIM, JUST HEARING HIM TALK. Soon after that night I spent with him, he stopped talking, we found out his liver was emptying into his body. He had toxins filling his body. He was moved to Hospice. IF I WAS BUSY PURSUING COLLEGE AT THAT POINT, IF I WAS BUSY WITH A CAREER, I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THERE, and I would've regretted it.
THERES A REASON FOR EVERYTHING
AND IF YOU DONT BELIEVE IT NOW
YOU WILL EVENTUALLY
Thank you for reading
Osirus X · Fri Feb 22, 2008 @ 01:36am · 0 Comments |
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