My family is seriously considering sending me back to China for summer vacation this year. I knew it was inevitable, that's why I agreed to it, on my own conditions of course. It is their hope that a trip there will improve my language skills, and my dad just wants to please his mother by sending her her favorite grandchild.
I don't personally want to go, I already have plans for this summer. I was going to finally start courses at the community college so I could begin to earn credits for my AADegree. My goal was to have one by the time I graduated high school. However, it looks like that will have to wait.
My one condition was that I would only go if they could find a suitable teacher for the cello. I figured, if I was going to go to China I might as well accomplish something instead of sitting around all day eating my grandmother's delicious food. I knew that with the current exchange rate it would be cheaper to take lessons in China than here in America.
My dad's already searching and with the energy he's putting in to it I'm sure he'll find one soon. I know it's sounds ungrateful, but I'm not really looking forward to going back. After moving to America when I was four my parents pushed me so hard to learn English that my native language, Mandarin Chinese, faded into the foreground. Now I'm afraid to say anything in Chinese because I now have a small accent although I still understand it.
I can just imagine not speaking to anybody for a month. (None of my immediate family in China know English.) Although I love to talk, I also love to listen to other people's conversations so that's not the problem. (Besides, they have an internet connection there.) My main concern is how can you live with someone you can't talk to? It would even the smallest things impossible to do.
A prime example of this is when I went back to China for 2 weeks with my dad in 2002. On the first night there, after taking a bath, I was drying my hair and my grandmother walks into the room and asks if I need anything. I know she's asking because she loves me, and I don't want to trouble her with something as trivial as wet hair so I say no. Half an hour later I'm still trying to tell her I don't need anything. I finally call my dad and it's all cleared up, but I will always remember the frustration I got because of our language gap.
Another concern I have is of my grandmother herself. She truly loves me and she trys to show it to me by lavishing gifts and attention on me, but sometimes it's a little too much. You can never refuse anything she gives you and when you do she takes it as a personal offence. She also monitors your every move to ensure you're comfortable, but sometimes a little independence is nice.
All I can do know is cross my fingers and hope for the best from the coming summer. I've already agreed to it so there's no backing out of is now. I'm hoping that when I come back from my trip (if my dad can find a teacher) I will have learned to be more independent and self reliant after living mutely for a month.
[ Silent Epiphany ] Community Member 
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