|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 12:03 pm
Hello everyone. My name is Jessica, or Jess for short. I am 18 years old and live in the cold country of Holland (I feel alone)... I'm a girl trapped in a male body, so to speak.. And I'm a lesbian. Sounds weird maybe, but that's the truth about me! smile
I'll be logging my little adventures, experiences and thoughts about lesbianism and anything related to it here.. I hope you'll enjoy. smile
~J
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 1:09 am
Welcome to the Diaries! ^^
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 9:16 am
Surprised!
Okay ... like the little title up here notes .. I'm surprised. About myself, mostly. Just after I wrote that little bit up there *points to the thread starter* I went out to a bar with friends... we're regulars there, so it's good (hard rock bar)..
Anyway, even though I consider myself 'out' about my sexuality + gender, I noticed yesterday night that well, it's a lot of work. I was wearing my usual bra and such, as I have for months now.. and that night, people kept coming up to me to ask 'what is up with your ... clothes?' That's probably because I was wearing a tight blue t-shirt instead of my usual wide band sweaters, so my 'boobs' showed much more.
And so it turns out that have had to explain myself and my sexuality and such what seemed to be the zillionth time (even though I think it was five times yesterday night, hehe).
I don't have ANY right to complain, though: THEY ALL ACCEPTED ME!
That made me feel ... loved, I guess... and I don't think I've felt so good about myself in a whole while. It's just one other step in the direction to living as a woman, I guess.
By the way, I'm not gunning for an operation; if I'm allowed to just wear women's clothes (I still need to go on a serious shopping spree, since I just have the ... basics, now, so to speak), and people call me Jessica/Jess/she/her, etc.. Then I'm happy with that. I already take enough meds, don't need any more wink
And this turned out to be longer than what I had imagined.. I wanted to talk about something else that happened that night as well, but ... I'll save it for next time.
With love,
Jess
EDIT: Typos,and a few little adjustments.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 2:45 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 1:34 pm
Bar Stunt!
As promised, I will talk about what else happened that night.. so here goes. After the bar closed we decided to stick around a bit on the street and talk to each other (with the loud music inside, it's hard to actually talk some times).
At one point it's only four of us left (out of the original thirty orso), and the bar door opens and out comes the manager-ish guy, Richard. He came to talk to us for a bit, and I'm not sure how exactly, but someone had the idea to ask, "What's the legal hour of opening up a bar around here?" "I think it's 6 am, officially." he replied.
And so it happens that a friend is going to look up the official regulations, and we're going to have ourselves a party! The plan is to get as many folks as we possibly can, and all go to the bar. Then, when the bar closes, we're going to stick around on the streets until they can officially re-open the bar. Then we'll go right on with the hard music and drinking. Oh, and we're going to call the cops on ourselves (we'll make sure they can't do a thing to us, cause we're doing stuff by the book biggrin )
... I know I sound like an alcoholic right now .. but yeah, I'm not. I just enjoy drinking and having fun. It's almost sure to get us in the newspaper.
Just thought I'd share this devious plan of ours. twisted
I'll let you know how it worked out in a couple of weeks. biggrin
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 12:59 am
Can't Wait!Okay ... I had already come out to my parents, and they were like "Uh-uh"... so I was happy about it. They didn't yell, or anything. Now ... recently I initiated the 'debate' again .. and now they did have something to say. They didn't see anything feminine in me (hello, blind!).. and they summed up what I could come to realize to be in the future. I've already summed it up in Chieko A's thread in the Life Issues, so if you want the percentages, look there. Of course, they didn't even admit I COULD be a female in a male's body, and on top of that, could be a lesbian. Hmm.. Ignorant, anyone? So... My parents really got me down in a bit of a depression, after I was feeling SO good about myself lately. *sighs* I can't wait to move out of my parent's house and live my own life.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 3:44 am
Happyness! xD
Alright, so recently I haven't been doing lots of anything. No writing, not a lot of reading, almost no RP... the only things I have been doing are: taking care of my puppy and celebrating my no-life status on Gaia.
Now, the latter has 'landed' me with something great: A girlfriend! She lives in the same country as I do (on the other side of it, but that's what trains are for), and well, she's just really great. We've been talking a lot and such, both on Gaia and on MSN..
So it's true what they say, then: "After the rain comes the sun." (in regards to my last entry, and what's happening to me now, of course)
That's all I wanted to say for now. See you people (whoever reads this).
~J
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 10:26 am
Hooray! A girl!
Have fun and stay safe on those trains!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:07 am
Blue..
Alright. It's been a long time since my last post, mostly because I haven't been on Gaia lately, not because nothing eventful happened and/or I died.
I won't bore you with the mundane of my life.. 'cause well, I'm boring.
What I will tell you, is about my current love-life, and how it came to be. Basically because I have no girl friends to talk to about relationships, and talking to guys about them shucks.
Alright, anyone's who's read my last post will know I had a girlfriend that I met on Gaia.. with the emphasis on had. What happened? Basically, she came over here once, and we had a great time together.. the day after she leaves again.. one week, two, three, four etc. weeks go by.. not a word (despite me being on MSN all the time and me seeing her sign on multiple times -- I wanted her to make the move).
Now, just today I signed onto Gaia to see she'd commented on my profile (don't bother checking, it's in Dutch).. later today we meet on MSN, and I bluntly asked her what she wanted.. much blahblahblah.. "I think we'd better quit this." She said after long last.
I'd pretty much expected this, obviously, but it still leaves me with a rejected feeling (doubly so because I know a girl I have a crush on, doesn't return my feelings -- at least not for the moment)...
Comments/suggestions/advice/own experiences/whatever? Post them here in a reply, or send me a message, if you think it might get a bit too personal..
Love,
Jess
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 1:54 pm
Life = Confusing
So.. the girl I'm was crushing on doesn't return my feelings, I asked her and she's straight. Period.
Pretty straightforward and not confusing? Yes, and no.
Instead of just one girl (the straight one -- Let's call her subject B) I'm now crushing on three girls at the same time: Subject W, and Subject T.
See the little confusing part coming, right?
Subject W is Subject B's sister... and I think that anyone else would think this is a classic case of 'can't get the older sister, move to the younger one' thingy. It isn't, I like her... probably even before I liked Subject B! Gah, to make this more irritating, Subject W has told me she likes Stranger R.. and was cuddling with him all night (I've heard nothing officially marking a relationship, so I'm STILL hopeful there.
Now, then .. Subject T is the bi-sexual girlfriend of Friend S, and I know she has feelings to me too... but she chooses to stay with him, to not ruin her relationship between her and him, and also between him and me. Thoughtful, aye? Oh well. It's irritating, but the right decision, as the trust between Friend S and me is near-holy to me... But it's nothing a good talk wouldn't be able to sort out.. but that's not going to happen.
Now, my question to you, dear reader of my diary, with whom I share my secrets with (and I have no one else to talk to about this kind of stuff, really, so I would appreciate it if you'd drop in a comment one in a while) is.... Does all this fantasizing and oogling etc. etc. make me a just a normal single, a slut, a heart-breaker, or just a horny bi-atch?
Also, WHAT TO DO? Help me, please.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 02, 2008 4:39 pm
Down Where I Am..
Alright, long time no see, everybody (if anyone ever reads my thread, anyway)..
It's been mayhem recently. Seems I can't do anything right.. Messing up school.. again. Relationships on and off -- nothing ever works out. Friends get out of contact (or outright hate me now) left and right..
If anything could sum up my emotions right now, it's this:
I don't wanna hold you
I don't wanna see you
'Cause even your smile hurts
Oh it hurts like hell
Isn't it good to see how life begins
There's no sin and there's no crime
Down where I am there's no bitter end at all
This bitterness is endless, keeps going on and on
( Demons & Wizards - Down where I am )
....
Life = s**t. Bleh. I'll stop now before you all start to think I'm pitying myself. lol
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
