I intend to speak pretty explicitly about the act of cutting itself, so if you are triggered by this sort of thing, or thing it may cause you to want to cut, please don't continue to read.

I have been a cutter since I was about 12, which puts me at 14 years of being a cutter. I have a scar on my face, my left arm is destroyed, and I cannot wear a bathing suit to the beach without showing extensive damage.

It started as a coping mechanism, but over time it also became an addiction. I became attached to the feeling of my skin breaking, and seeing myself bleed became a rush. There was a point in time when gore and blood actually turned me on, so I would cut and then masturbate. I know two other people who experienced something similar, but one person on a different level. I even got into BDSM because I wanted someone to just hit me.

After all that I slowed down for a while, and for long lengths of time I quit. I can still find picture of me where I don't have to hide my left arm from view. But then my mental condition worsened, and now I am cutting again. Not regularly, but enough to wear long pants at all times in Florida of all places. There were times I even cut designs into my skin. Yeah words, but also designs. I would draw something on my leg, like a band, and take a scalpel and carve it in.

I'm wondering if other people have similar experiences. Do you feel like you only cut when you need relief or do you find yourself doing it for other reasons? Do you ever do it as a means to punish yourself? Have you ever done it "for fun"?