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 Posted: Mon May 16, 2016 5:53 pm
Hello, I have an issue which has been ongoing for the past 3 months now. I literally have a perfect life, I got a perfect family, a loving boyfriend, a great education in marine biology and a good support group of people who I can trust but I still really find it difficult to enjoy day to day life after a situation I had to deal with in Febuary. I had my mother suffering from cancer from December and in late January it was looking like it was clearing but in the first week of February after being told chemo was not working she passed away within that week and she was my best friend, my hero and the greatest mum in the world. I have everything I need, and people are trying so hard but deep down I feel sick and lonely because I don't have my mother. I hate to sound selfish, but someone could give me massive amounts of money or any gift and I would not be happy because its not what I want right now. crying cry
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2016 6:19 am
Loss and grief can be very overwhelming like that, and can sap the joy out of life until properly processed. Since her passing was very sudden, and you didn't have time to prepare, it's completely understandable that you're having such a difficult time dealing with the loss. I lost my father very suddenly in 2007. He was not ill, and there was no sign that anything was wrong. He just simply didn't wake up one morning, and we later found out that he had heart trouble.
It's very important that you don't beat yourself up for not just "getting over it" or being able to move on quickly. Let your family, friends, and loved ones know that you DO recognize that they're trying to help, but also share with them that right now you're having trouble feeling relief from it. We never forget those we lose, and we never have to stop loving them. We're their legacy, and I find that it helps me a lot to carry on the light that my dad brought to everyone's lives. He was always giving, always caring for someone, and that's a very big part of who I am.
Also, try to keep in mind that our loved ones would not want us to live in misery. It feels shallow right now to hear it, but you know that your mother loved you and wanted the best of everything for you. She would want to see you thrive, and move on to be happy. It won't happen right away, but in time the pain will ease, and you'll be able to cherish the memories a lot more without it being so painful.
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Whisper the Lightbringer Captain
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2016 3:39 pm
Yes - grief is horrible. Just as Yume said and so gracefully - it just saps everything out of your life, making even the most 'perfect' things just unbearable and annoying.
To go along with personal stories - I went to work on a normal day, February 4th of this year. I was happy, excited - it was the day before my birthday, I was only working four hours that day - it seemed great. Until my aunt called me, telling me my grandfather passed away earlier that day. It was almost like a punch to my gut, it took the air out of my lungs. I remember grabbing my mom as shock set in, throwing the phone in her hands (which I regret - my mother is deaf and I just kinda threw her in a situation, head first) and I wandered around, aiming for the door only to collapse in front of it, hysterically crying. It took the kind heart of a good coworker to take me to the head cashier, who sent me home and a good support system with my fiance and my mom, who was grieving with me and the beliefs of my culture. Slowly it got better - I could talk about him without sobbing, I could smile when I thought about him. I have yet to face his grave yet (the weather has been horrible and time from work makes it hard) - but I have the feeling I can just sit there and talk to him.
It takes time - it takes YOUR time. Your pace is the only pace - there is no 'fast' way and there is no such thing as 'easy' when it comes to this stuff. I agree with what Yume says completely - it is hard to hear it or even difficult and 'selfish' sounding, but they want you happy and to remember them with love and not sadness. She'll always be a part of you - but it is going to take time to remember the things that make you smile, not just cry smile
Breathe. Take it day by day, minute by minute - do what you can and don't feel bad for not 'getting over it' as fast as others say you 'should'. They are not YOU - and you are the one going through it at the moment. smile
Hugs from Butterfly! *hugs*
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