i feel so out of it. like i haven't got a clue about anything, and i'm just watching everything pass me by. and i don't even get the whole picture, just bits and pieces of their happiness while i try to catch some and hold on. but i can't help feeling like theyre gone, and that there's nothing i can do to ever get them back. and i feel awful, because they're leaving each other, and i feel better because i'm a selfish b***h who wants them to suffer in their solitude as well. but i chose mine. no one made me leave. (and this isn't some stupid clique or something, i'm physically separated by distance.)i want to share in their angst, but when i'm near them, its hidden away beneath a mask. i want to be a part of their joys, but i can't because i'm too far away and apparently not worth the bother--no, that's not true, i didn't bother either. i remember this one time in like 3rd grade or something, one of my friends told me about this dream/fear/whatever that this other friend would move to florida and i would go to some smart peoples' school. i don't know about the smart part, but i'm really sorry. i miss them so much, and i can't blame anyone because i brought this upon myself. i should have come back. i wish i'd come back. i don't want to be an isolated academic for the rest of my life, and i'm sorry. i wish i could say something to take it all back, to put everything back together, but i can't. i'm sorry. i'm so so sorry. it's all my fault and what i had is gone. i'm so sorry.
vixen6334 · Mon Jun 04, 2007 @ 12:17am · 1 Comments |