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Goddammit...I have asked, explained, begged, pleaded, even made it a ******** rule. And they still won't listen! What the hell do I have to do to get it through their thick skulls that I have limited time, and I want the to slow down so I can actually rp with them, not spend all the time catching up? I don't have that kind of time! God, okay, so they don't know me in person. So? That doesn't give them the right to walk all over my wishes and feelings. I don't do that to them-I show them respect. So why the hell can't they do the same for me?! What do I have to do?! If they do this one more time...*grinding teeth* I'll shut down the thread. I will. READ MY ******** JOURNAL, YOU TWITS!! No, don't. Oh, I don't know! God, it makes me so mad...And depresses me. But they don't care. Why should they? They don't even ******** know me. Why should they even give a damn? I'm just some faceless person on the net, that they've never met, and probably never will.

SO what should I do? I'm not about to tell them why it urts so damn bad, I don't even know why I told Div and Miko. I must have been out of my mind. Or drunk. Or high. But I don't do drugs, or drink...So what the ******** was I thinking?! What the hell was running through my brain that made me tell my biggest secret to two complete strangers, one of whom later admitted in a roundabout way that he doesn't give a damn about anything? The other's would never even think of reading my journal...or if they do, they'd never tell me they read it. Who knows? And why the hell do I care? No one but my friends here in Pleasanton give a ********' damn. Them and my family. And that's it. So why do I care what others think or do or say? I don't. I don't care. I never will.

...Oh, who am I kidding? I do care. I do care what others think of me. Almost too much. *sigh* What the hell do I do? *crying* Why the hell am I crying? I don't cry! Crying is for weaklings! For babies! I am not weak! I am not a child! Why the hell would I cry now when I've forgotten how to over the last 8 years? The last time I cried was last April, on my way to the hospital, and that was because I was full of drugs and vulnerable; weak. *grimace* I am not weak! I do not cry! I DO NOT CRY!