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Until recently, I thought everything was straightening out for me. I'm over my most recent ex. I've been able to forgive the guy who I consider to be my high school sweetheart. I've come to understanding that our relationship is a thing of the past, and that is how it will remain. I had a fun job that opened me up to making as much or as little as I put into the job. I was able to put off my urges to cut.

Last Friday I started talking to the high school sweetheart figure. Saturday he went on a trip. Monday morning I left on a trip for work. On the way up there, I started having panic attacks. I did one appointment, and got out at about 7pm. I mentioned I'd been having panic attacks, and the driver took me back to the hotel, so I could rest for Tuesday. I ended up cutting myself. I woke up numerous times Tuesday morning having panic attacks, but decided I would try to work through them. I did one appointment, and started dissociating on top of the panic attacks. I talked to the other girl, and we decided that it wouldn't be safe for me to continue to work, so I went back to the hotel at about 1 pm.

While I was there, I "chronologically ordered" vacuums (after staring at them for an hour or more). I completely cut up my cigarette box. I would burst into tears every time I tried to talk. The guys were harassing me to do my job anyway. Finally, my friends Cheryl and Marika decided they were going to drive 4 hours to pick me up, then 4 hours to take me back. It goes without saying, I quit my job.

Last night I was once again talking to the hs sweetheart. We ended up talking a lot. I found out he was the one who introduced me to self-injury. He used to do it. I made him promise me he would never do it again, and he kept that promise - until he broke up with me. We also through around the prospect of getting back together. We just came up to the conclusion that it was a lot to think about and factor in.