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Yesterday, one of my friends confided that she had gone 18 months without cutting herself. It's a strength that I admire. Maybe strength isn't the right word, but I'm sure you get the point.

The longest I've ever been able to go is five weeks, and after that five weeks, I went crazy on myself. If I go for any lengthened amount of time without cutting myself, I find myself having to hold back when I finally do give in. Of course then the problem is the yearning to harm myself never goes away.

My friends don't know about my more recent fall backs. They know about one that happened not quite a month ago, when I had to quit my job. I should be able to tell them: I should tell them. But they hurt when I tell them. Is it wrong I'd rather lie to them than hurt them?


At least I finally have a job...