"Today I saw my hero fall apart
The one who taught me to be strong
On the outside I am fine
But on the inside I am dying"
This is a lyric from a song by Papa Roach that can barely describe even a tidbit of what I have been feeling for over the past month. I could define life in a thousand different ways...all of which contain inappropriate language. So since this site is rated PG-13 I will do my best to keep the explicit content to myself and keep it as clean as I can bare. First off, I feel like I just got spit out of the sewers. I'm very sick, coughing up a lung, and heavily medicated with severe cold medicines. I do believe that my doctor prescribed me drugs because I think the reason why it feels really weird to walk is because it is an effect from the medication. And we all know that stress is bad for you...oh yes. But with three projects, SATs, a couple essays, homework overload, and parental units that expect you to be the next Einstein...it's not that easy. And according to my mother, I'm not going to have a "victorious life". Why? Because apparently I'm not filled with the holy spirit stare She also tells me that my dreams, who I am, who I'll be and what not...it's all not up to me...it's up to God. So what, am I a puppet just existing to do what he wants? Why do we have to follow the single path of Christianity to be successful? In my opinion...that's all messed up. Oh, who could forget that annoying dude that rides my bus...he's been asking for a fatal injury for months. After a long painful week when he decided it'd be fun to slap me across the head a few times, he wound up with a deep bite mark and large bruise on his head. Sophomore year has been full of drama...drama drama drama. It's like a series of mini soap operas! And what do you wind up with in the end? A corpse...that's right, "the pack" is dead...and has been for a long time. My family has ceased to exist, the closest thing to a home I've ever had has been dissintegrated. I don't look up to my parents, I have no older siblings, no role models, and I never found that one best friend I had dreamed I'd find (don't get me wrong though, I love my friends...I just never found that one friend that'd always be there and...ah, I could go at it for hours on what person I hoped I'd meet). So when there's a black hole in the pit of your stomach, slowly tearing you away from the inside out...where do you turn?
Cause of Death: Loneliness
View User's Journal
What Goes On In My Little Head...
Hey cool, a journal! My little corner on Gaia where all can view the thoughts, ideas, and notions that pop up in my head. This will be interesting...
 |
I have a sharp and pointy object in my possession (thanks to Jeefwee) and I'm not afraid to use it *poke*
User Comments: [2] [add]
|
DarkasDeath Community Member 
|
|||||||||||||||||
User Comments: [2] [add]
Community Member
Everything will work out for the best in the end. No one expects you to be the next Einstein. At least I don't. I love you for who you are! You are awesomely cool Kelsey! Who couldn't love ya? And I didn't know that the end of sophomore year would be so stressful! Just this weekend, I had one homework assignment. ONE!! Usually, I have the same load amount as you mentioned above. And about your mom being uberly Christian...I know EXACTLY how that feels...I mean, my stepmom was is uberly Christian, and it drives me nuts. "Bless the Lord" this, and "Praise Jesus" that. Not everything came from God. Not everything is affected by God. Not every life is controlled by a couple of strings descending down from the heavens. You can take control of your life, take control of what you want to be, how you want to be, and where you want to go. Just think, about 2-3 more years, and you are OUT OF THERE!!