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well this is pretty much for everyone to think

u know, when u love someone. u should be able to let them go if they r not happy with u right.

ok now put it this way, what if u liked someone but that someone was taken ? out of no where u find out ur in a love triangle and it turns out that the lover of the girl u love, is in love with u.

shitty aint it ? for some reason i tend to get into this situations without realizing it, though now that i do notice this is about the third time this is happened. im beggining to think im some sorta masochist or something.
in the end i always end up out of the picture, and yeah its the most fair thing to do. but what do i do, what do i do with the feelings i feel.... what if i dont know and the only thing i resort to is crying my heart out ? does that make me weak ?

i promised myself to not cry, to be always optimistic....to try to look at the bright side of things, to not be negative. but how can i look at the good side of this love triangle and not crumble to tears.....yes at least they r happy.... but what about me.
she loves her yeah but, she says she loves me more than her (yes they r bi get over it, how i happened to get into it ? dont ask me) but yet i dont love her...i love her girlfriend. I tried thinking and she also has a saying in this and i pretty much know what she would say.

sure she likes me too but not in that way or at least tahts what i think. that girl is the sorta person u never know whats on their minds or what their thinking. to make it worse her girlfriend, the one that loves me, she sorta talks about it like trying to rub it in my face. i know she might not be doing that on purpose but, its still hurts that she does.

I promised her that i wouldnt go between them, but yet i feel like my heart is gonna crumble. i also promised her taht i wouldnt betray her at all. yet she doesnt have to talk to me about her, besides she knows i like her girlfriend. and u know how usualy they go like "******** stay away from my girl" well even though she knows she doesnt hate me nor has she told me to go away. duh shes in love with me...

i for one cant believe im so stupid, i told myself i wouldnt let it get to me, cuz my main priority is to try to help myself get better. now though i dont know what i want as my main priority. i feel like my spirit and will r being sucked away by something or someone. even the tears i swore to never shed r being pulled from my eyes as if someone...myself....were pulling them out. its like i struggle with myself to not cry yet i want to.

So in the end, i cry with no purpose. knowing it wont change anything, hating that it makes no difference whether i cry or feel sad. (this was the main y i chose not to cry anymore and never be sad about things, always showing a sorta calm/collected/cheerful front) i just wish i never had ran into them. i dont even know y i am in love... i just am. its just like i used to tell people "u cant help who u fall in love with" having to experience the meaning of that phrase for the third time...is just to unberable....

I feel that my body, my every part of my body is giving in. i feel like my knees dont have any strengh to keep me standing or walking forward. I know its not the end of the world, that there might be someone better for me out there. Im trying to look at my bright side, but i cant see or accept it cuz my eyes r full of tears making everything blurry.

So what should i do, i told myself i wouldnt depend on anyone cuz im scared of being left alone, being betrayed but i dont have any other choice than to trust people and ask for help... i just want some to support me, to give me a hand and try to walk again. what do i do with the love that i have stabbed in my guts.

For the last 6 months i didnt shed a single tear...and now that i do, with such force, with desperation, my head feels like its about to split open. it just hurts so much.

"Theres such a fooled heart, Beating so fast in search of new dreams. A love that will last within your heart"
"As the pain sweeps through, Makes no sense for you" David Bowie