My family forgot my 11th birthday. It was 10pm before someone remembered, then my mom came up with some excuse to go to the store to buy me a gift. I pretended like I didn't know that was why she went to the store, but I knew. Gramps was the only one who apologized and admitted that he forgot (but he never remembered dates anyways unless he happened to look at the calender) so I didn't blame him for it. You'd think that your mother would remember though.. seeing as how that's the day she HAD you. She stopped making dinner for the family every night when I was 13. My sister was little and she would just make food for them. Which is fine, except I'd nicely ask if she was going to make dinner and she'd be moody sometimes and snap at me saying "I've been busy all day, what the hell have you done?" It's like, I'd get a guilt trip asking if she was going to make dinner. When she did make, I'd say thank you and that it was delicious, but I guess she didn't care. She was going to make it if she wanted and not if she didn't want to. If there were guests over, she always put on a show though--like she was super-mom or something. I usually played along because I wanted some attention. I could sit in the front room and watch tv, and they would just walk by without acknowledging me for hours. I was waking myself up for school in junior high. If I didn't get up, my dad would come into my room yelling at me that I need to wake my a** up because I'm lazy. In high school, they just stopped caring at all. I skipped a lot of school when I found out that I could get away with it, but my grades were really bad and I got the s**t beat out of me for it. But, as long as I got at least a C average, they basically let me do whatever. Around then, Rae came in. I was getting used to it all, but she didn't like it. She was quiet, but outspoken when she wanted to be. That's why they didn't like her. About the only time they would give me much attention, was when the needed me for something--fix this before I get done, help me do this, anything like that.
I'd try to impress them, hoping that I'd get more attention. It never worked though. After Rae left, I stopped caring about impressing them. I did what I wanted--drugs. Even when I had to go to re-hab, its like they didn't care. They barely even visited me in the hospital. I think they had to, at least a little, so the dr would think that they cared.
It's not like they really hurt me in any physical way, I just feel like they never really cared. I don't even see how its possible to treat your own child like that. I can't imagine treating Matt the same way.
I don't let Matt stay over there with them much. I know that they would watch him, and they have changed enough to the point that I'd be comfortable with them watching him, but I would never let him be over there for more than a few hours.
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mxvsatv Community Member 
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Miss_Keiko
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My sister gets a lot more attention than I ever did, but me and her never had any problems. She’s the only one who would ever tell me goodnight before she went to bed.
I don’t usually think about my life before high-school because that part kinda sucked. Sometimes I’m not sure if I don’t remember, or if I just don’t feel like remembering. It was nothing traumatic, but I can’t look back and get warm fuzzy feelings either.
I might have been a needy kid and they just didn’t want to give me enough of their time, I really don’t know. I do know that it isn’t my fault that they barely paid enough attention to me. I’d also probably be less ******** up now if they had, but I still chose to use drugs and live like I did. I kinda grew up without parents too, so I had to learn to take care of myself. Sometimes, I don’t like letting other people into my life. Why do I have such a problem with other people telling me what to do? Because I’ve had to and know that I can take care of myself. That also makes finding someone to love more difficult. I easily fall for someone who says they love me. Sherri did that to me over and over again, and I’d keep letting her back in, hoping that she meant it the next time. All she ever did was take advantage of what I had.
It was easy for me to move out because I already learned how to take care of things that needed to be done.
A few months after I left for NY, they realized that they needed me out there. I guess they didn’t realize how much I contributed. They started talking nice over the phone and praising me. I thought it would be different, so I visited over x-mas, and that went well, so I moved back. It was nice for a little while, but they went back to being the same as before. My mom calls me once a week if she doesn’t see me and we have the conversation two strangers might have, except she brings up Sherri most of the time. They invite me over if family is visiting so it looks like our family is getting along just fine, and maybe it is for the three of them, but I’ve always been cast aside. If I go to their house, someone will usually say hi to me, but they always ask what I’m doing over there—like I don’t belong there. Sometimes I like to go out there just to piss them off or shock them for the day.
I kinda lost track of what I was saying there…
I want to be able to depend on someone other than just me, but it’s so hard to let my guard down and allow that to happen. I want to be able to come home and have some food on the table, or not have to buy my own food every week at the store. I want to have a conversation with someone who loves me, not a hi, how are you--every day chat. I guess, I just want someone to take care of me because I get tired of doing it myself. I wouldn’t do nothing though, I’d take care of the other(s).
I’ve thought of all these things before, and made these realizations before, I just don’t usually bring them up with people.