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in the simplaist words im affraid. im affraid to be in drive thru at work and more importantly im affraid to be at work. I get scared at work cause i don't want chris showing up. im not sure what he's able to do especially when he's drunk and personally i don't want any drama from him when im at work. it's were i work and a little respect for me would be appricated from him. I just don't know what's going to happen because he's crazy and i don't mean it jokeing. he sends me tex messages that don't conect and when i said i don't understand and asked him what he means he sends me a tex saying he asked first and that's exactly what he's asking when he didn't say any of that in the previous tex's. I ignored the tex's but he kept sending message after message even when he said bye.

my RGM said he'll make sure that chris will be kicked out if he come's to the store when im there because he stay's till im off my shift and the only way he leaves is if i tell him i have a ride home but then he'll stay outside of the building. i have other friends like travis who say they'll hurt him or that to call them to pick me up when this s**t happens. the thing is this guy is like in he'ss 30's and im mostly scared at home.

I live alone and the thing is that i get the feeling one of these days im going to hear a knock on my door and it's going to be him.

aside from that im scared of school cause my theacher thinks im suacidal and crazy. long story with that but im not. just to many misunderstandings. because of that i have the school counsaler trying to get ahold of me.

the last thing im scared of aside from my natural fears is is is...................... I might hav a small...................a small case of schitsofrena. it's not confremed or denide.im only going to know is if i go to a doctor (which isn't going to happen) or if i wait it out. i was told it get's worse in your 20's and im not far off. if it get's worse then ill have to go to a doctor.

sigh........ i really don't like telling people but juging by my views i think itt's safe to type it lol xp

There are times were i hear things that are not real but im never sure. there have been time's were i see an image or two but the worst is when i get scared like in the dark or if someone say's something scary i start to think it's real. I know it's not but my mind is a bit over active in the imaganary part of my head.

A lot of my friends said i don't have schitsofrena and after i told them i might. They say i don't and thats the end of that confersation. only one person asked me questions and stated they think i dont. there is a difference between saying i don't and some expressing there thought that i dont', he's the only one to ask why i think i have a mild case. Im partally thinking that it's all do to the stress im under but if it get's worse i don't know what im going to do.

The things with chris and school, there are people i can turn to but im terrified that if it's not just a mild case, im scared i wont have anyone to turn to for that. im affraid to go through that alone.
I don't want to face that alone but if I have to then I must.