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I live on my own which isn't half bad sometimes. but the thing is that this is the first year in the past two years that i won't have a companion for the holidays. I know i have family but the thing is there's no special someone to shop for or spend my time with or even argue over the wishbone on thanks giving day. I don't have that special some one to share my joy with. Im alone on the holiday's. I thought for chrismas I would have some friends but alas I found out that we won't get an apartment till January. So im going to be working on chrismas eve then I will go home to an apartment with three cats and an iguana. the next morning I will wake up and open the cats presents. Around the afternoon I will head over to my mom's.

Thanks giving it will be a turkey for myself which I can handle. But to wake up on chrismas day all alone. Iv'e never had that happen in all my life. That's why I have been down lately. I think about all my friends wakeing up with there family's even if there is no gift they get to have someone knock on there door saying "it's chrismas time wake up."

On my dad's side of the famliy once your 18 or 19 your on your own and not excluded but you don't get gift's or much of a mention. Maybe a call I guess. With my mom I wounnder but It'll be fun seeing her for the day. I guess I might have people over but I don't know anymore.

It just keeps sinking in more and more that im alone in the aspect of giving my love and soul to someone else. Im alone in the fact there's not that special someone to give what little time I have to give. I don't have that warmth to call mine. In those way's Im alone and no friend can fill that in.

tat ta.