Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I keep thinking, why am I so interested in Vanessa. I don’t like to date women older than me because I like the feeling of being the one in charge, and the one to be looked up to for answers. Hehe.. and I say “up to” because I gotta be taller. Even just an inch. I’ve never dated someone shorter—well wait now.. I did in Junior high, but I was really short then. After I grew, that wasn’t a problem. You don’t see many women taller than 5’10’’. I guess… Vanessa is just like me. I was waiting for her to call me again, but she hasn’t. I had to call her instead, which I find odd. But, I did call her after thinking about it a lot and she wanted to know why I waited so long! I guess in that way, we’re both retarded for each other. Except, she started thinking that I wasn’t interested because she was so much older and that was why I didn’t call. I told her I didn’t have a problem with it, so long as she doesn’t pull out a walking cane or something and she laughed. So tonight, I’m going as her date to some business party thing. She’s a real estate agent/broker. That’s ******** amazing. Not only does that mean that she’s smart, but she has a stable job and can pay for herself. I’m tired of women mooching off of me all the time *coughsherricough*. That doesn’t mean I won’t offer to pay, but just in general. I think it’s attractive if a woman can GRADUATE highschool—which is easy, and then advance in a career. And she wanted to be a real estate agent and she’s doing it. I really admire her for that, and I told her I was jealous that she was in a job she likes. She asked what I was going to school for and I said “to get a better job”. She said, “what about a job you like?” I guess.. it’s more important to me to make a decent living than to find a job I like. I know that I have to be able to support my family and I’m going to make sure that gets done before anything else. I don’t think she knows about Matt yet. I didn’t tell her, but she also didn’t say anything about the toys on the floor. She could have thought they were mine I suppose. I’ll tell her, not now though, and not tonight at her business party, but later if things are progressing. She’s also confident. She accepts how she looks—which is ******** amazing—and certainly wasn’t afraid to come talk to me at the bar.
I don’t really want to go to that thing with her, probably a lot of people her age, and then, you throw someone in there who’s not even 22 yet. I’ll probably feel dumb, they’ll probably treat me like I’m younger, and in general it won’t make for a good night. I can’t see how it would be fun for her either. People are going to look twice if they know how old she is. I’m not a 21 year old who looks 25, I look 21. My years of drinking and drugs haven’t caught up yet—except for my heart—which, if my shoulder keeps feeling funny I’ll have to go to the dr. My chest doesn’t hurt though, and I’m not out of breath so I think I’ll be okay.
I wonder what she’ll want to do after the business thing..

I got a while before work... so bored

s**t.. keep it together Brendan, at least until tomorrow..

I can do that

I couldn't trade-up hours to go to that thing with Vanessa.. I think she understood though and it was last minute

its probably good I didn't go

*looks down*

I know she told me that.. but I forgot..
what else have aI forgotten? not that I'm worthless after-all

well
i fell asleep in the bathroom
just being sick and puking all night, I didn't drink at all, i don't know what's wrong with me but everything hurts

I think I'm going to leave town this weekend..