Ugh! im so stressed out man! School has been killer and in retrospective i really shouldn't be on the internet but we're going to label this span of time as a "Sanity Break". My professors really don't communicate with each other so they all give major projects around the same time. I have three graphix projects due simply because Prof.Broox is a MAJOR b***h. And I major Economics test. Which im so worried about because I'm doing so poorly in that class its not even funny and if i don't pass that class i don't graduate. Its just so difficult to keep up with a social life and a magnet school. I mean honestly i thought i could have a job but it doesn't seem to be so. I can't say theres anything wrong with my life really or friends or whathaveyou. Just the usual lack of a positive body image and skitzo mom down my throat, reassuring me that im "heading down the wrong path." W/E. Talked to my father today. Not for long just long enough to make plans to hang out on thursday...... im so nervous about it. What do i say to him? How much of myself to i show him? I guess im in kind of in between state of mind with him I don't wnat a relationship because he's just an a** and getting close to him will result in the same abuse but at the same time i mean hes my DAD. my only ne since mom doesn't want to date. I really hate feeling fatherless even though it was my choice to cut communication with him. I mean fathers are supposed to take their kids out to the movies and get mad at their boyfriends and fix their bikes whenever the chain gets broken. He's supposed to take me fishing and encourage my far fetched dreams becuase im supposed to be the apple of his eyes. but it isn't so with me because the man im about to see thursday is alien to me. My mother syas that my boyfriend is just like my father. I read somewhere that girls try to find partners that remind them of their fathers. Maybe. He does a little bit remind me of him but only the good stuff. His music his sense of humor. His argumentative-ness. His moodiness. Hell, even his laziness reminds me of my father. Does that mean i'll end up like my mother? I don't think so im nothing like her. She reminds me of that every day, telling me im just like him for all the same reasons my boyfriend reminds me of my father!! Is it so bad to be just like him anyways? I mean of course i can't possibly be JUST like him but i mean i like my personality. Funny thing is my father told me that im as miserable as my mother. I think its wierd that divorced parents tell their kid that they are just like the other parent. oh well. Enough bitchiness as usual i'll get over it.
Aida Moon · Tue Mar 18, 2008 @ 12:53am · 0 Comments |