View User's Journal



Time to spare Eh, read the title. I've got time to spare, so I'm killing it in my journal. Recently, I've been getting kind of depressed. I don't think my friends need me anymore. I think they'd be better off without me. I'm just getting on their nerves. I mean, all I'm doing is mooching off of them and annoying them. Dr. Tracy says I'm dying inside. That my "fire of life" is being crushed, and is slowing burning out. She's probably right. I've got my wall back, and it's stronger than ever before. No one can get past. I just shut down. I can't feel anything. I did it last night. I cut myself, on purpose, for the first time. It was with a little piece of glass, and only on my lip, so it's not all that noticeable or painful. And it wasn't all that hard! It felt...kinda comforting, almost. Maybe I'll do it again. Who knows. I keep thinking that I should stay away from my friends and then telling myself that I have to, but I never do it. I'm a coward. A filthy coward.

Posted by: Aloysia Thu Nov 04, 2004 @ 10:09pm

Gaian Mood Jewel
Current Mood: Excited
Click here for your own.</center>

User Comments: [5] [add]

Onyxwings
Community Member

Offline

Commented on: Fri Nov 05, 2004 @ 10:25pm


	Okay, it is takeing alot out of me just to not smack you upside the head right now. I am very much upset by the fact of you cutting yourself. Thats stupid, and leads into much worse ways to damage yourself. I think that you are very selfish to say that you might do it again. You have alot of friends, and even though I don't know much about them, I know for a fact that I care about you alot! And your life is not only your own. It would hurts me very much to hear that you are hurting yourself. I care about you, I need you as a friend, I havn't forgoten you, and I always enjoy spending time with you. I never told you this before, but last year when I needed a little motivation to drag myself out of bed, I always thought of the fact that I would get to go talk to you. On another note, you are not a coward. Humans are social creatures, and as such need one another to survive. It's a good thing that you spend time with them. I know that no man is an island, and I would hate it if I was alone. In fact thats one of my greatest fears. Don't ever punish yourself for who you are or how you feel.

Commented on: Sat Nov 06, 2004 @ 01:53am


	You "mooching" off me doesn't annoy me!!! I only reminded you to pay me back because my parents count the bus tickets they give me, and since I didn't take the bus that morning, I had an extra one this afternoon; but my parents will ask me for it because THEY KEEP TRACK!!! (Is it just me, or do my parents have too much time??) I like it when you ride the bus with us and socialize with us; I was really upset when you switched schools because you've been my friend since elementary school (we were like twins in fourth grade!) and when I found out, I wished that you would stay at Amador; but now you said you're doing so much better, and I feel so guilty redface . You shouldn't feel bad about yourself!! I know I'm jealous of you sometimes; you have such an interesting personality. I'm so boring, I don't know why people talk to me. I understand how sometimes, you just feel so sad, and people say to tink of something happy, but that's the point: you CAN'T think of something happy! You just have to wait untill it passes, and don't DO ANYTHING!! Just hug your pillow and cry. That's a more healthy way to deal with it. Sorry I didn't really have anything insightful to say. sweatdrop

storm_sorceresss
Community Member

Offline

Aloysia
Community Member

Offline

Commented on: Sat Nov 06, 2004 @ 06:52pm


	Thanks, guys. Oh darnit all, I'm crying gonk ...Oh, who cares...Thanks, guys. Geuss I'm not as worthless as I thought I was. sweeps you oth into a bear hug I really needed that. Oh, Onyxwings, go ahead and hit me. Maybe it'll knock some sense into me. wink ...I love you guys. heart heart heart heart heart

Commented on: Sat Nov 06, 2004 @ 06:59pm


	Since the computer won't let me edit, here's what should really have been said: Thanks, guys. Oh darnit all, I'm crying gonk ...Oh, who cares...Thanks, guys. Geuss I'm not as worthless as I thought I was. sweeps you oth into a bear hug I really needed that. Oh, Onyxwings, go ahead and hit me. Maybe it'll knock some sense into me. wink And storm_sorceress, you did have insightful things to say. You're my "Fourth-Grade Twin". I'm touched by the things you guys have said. You can't tell how touched, because you have to imagine what I was thinking as I wrote this. So I'll tell you: "With friends like this, how can I go wrong?" I'm sitting here with tears running down my face, and smiling. ...I love you guys. heart heart heart heart heart

Aloysia
Community Member

Offline

Onyxwings
Community Member

Offline

Commented on: Mon Nov 08, 2004 @ 10:21pm


	I'm glad that I could help. You should know that I'm always here for ya. All you have to do is call. And if you were to get hurt or die, I would still be here, and I would be hurt. Life is hard, and thats why we have friends, they are our support in a shaky uncertain world. You are a wonderful person, very smart and the world lights up around you. It's such a pity that you can't see this. You should learn to believe in yourself more.

User Comments: [5] [add]

Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals