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Now, my good fellows, now it’s time for another episode of “What the Hell is Jack Thinking About?” yesterday, I told everyone about my adventure as Anton Chigurh in the film No Country for Old Men. Today, it’s going to be a little different. Today, it’s going to be about laughs, romance, action, and maybe even some freaky animal sex. Well, okay, maybe not that last one, but you can count on those other three being in there. You betcha.

Well, this dream started out I was in a big room where a party was going on. It sort of looked like the room where I had that temper tantrum about the vacuum cleaner a few months back. But anyway, I was either walking around or sitting around, I cannot remember which, and… ya know, come to think of it, I can’t remember what happened when. Well, I guess I’ll just have to slam it all in your face at once, like a big, creamy pie. Anyway, I think I was walking around. And I was going to walk into the hallway, when someone bumped into me. He said something rude like, “Get out of my way, a*****e,” or “Move, ya dickhead.” Well, I never! What an extremely rude boy! Why I oughta kick karate chop him in the balls and kick him in the teeth! And I seriously would, too. But ya know what? I didn’t. Why? Because that would be wrong. Seriously, folks. If some guy actually bumped into you in real life and you actually did kick the s**t out of him, you would be liable to be in some serious trouble yourself. Besides, just because someone bumped into you without saying “Excuse me” that’s no reason to lose your temper and go postal on him. That’s just plain silly. No siree, a simple “******** you” will suffice. But wait a minute. That’s almost as bad! Aw, but who gives a s**t. This is my dream, and I’ll do whatever the ******** I want… b***h.
Anyway, after all that I went into the hallway, and as soon as I walked in, two guys were strangling each other on the floor. Wait, what? But why, comrades? Why? We should band together and settle our differences like true American men! If we would do that, there would be no more wars or violence and we could clear up all this junk that’s going on in Iraq right now! Brothers, brothers! Listen to me!
But you know what they said? They just spat at me and said “******** you, mister! You stay out of this!” and that made me mad. I swear I just wanted to kick them both in the head and break their jaws. But, once again, that would be silly. I mean, sure I get angry, who the heck doesn’t? But I never aim to hurt anyone. Just the Idea of me actually doing some serious damage to someone or something makes me want to cry. I don’t want to hear them scream. It’s just not worth it.
Well, now that we got all that anger out of the way, I went somewhere where there was no more anger in the room. This is getting to be a pretty angry party, don’t you think? Maybe I should leave before I get hurt. But wait! What’s this? Why, it’s a book full of paintings and drawings and art and stuff! Wow! This is so cool! I wonder who it belongs to.
And you know what? I eventually did find out. This very pretty girl with blonde hair and wearing a blue t-shirt walked up to me. She must have been in her mid to late twenties. And she said to me: “Do you like my art? I drew all of these myself.” Oh my goodness! Did you really! Well, this is some of the best artwork I have ever seen in quite a long time! What’s your name, Miss?
And right when she was about to tell me her name, I woke up. What?! What the ********!!! Come on back, Blondie! What’s your name, little girl? Oh well. Maybe I can fall asleep again and ask her name then. And ya know what? That’s just what I did. I fell asleep and saw the exact same girl and asked her the exact same question: What is your name? I have to know the name of the beautiful princess who made these wonderful works of art. And ya know what her name was? Cindy. Cindy. That’s a nice name. It’s Very fitting for a woman of your stature and physique. I like you, Cindy. Maybe we could have dinner sometime in another dream. Yeah. Just maybe.

Well, that was sweet wasn’t it? And I didn’t even mention anything about sex again! That’s two journals in a row now! I’m so proud of myself! Thank you, faithful Gian reader for sitting through another entry in the mind of John Myers Kelley a.k.a. OTAKUVEANGANCE5290! I hope I’ll see you again tomorrow! Ciao!

6/14/08