Hum... Katie's birthday has passed... Byron left me behind in this hellish place... Hellish but heavenly at the same time. I am alone, I am never alone home... Here, I have time to spend on myself, with myself, but it makes me crazy...
It makes me so irritable in this house... She's making squeaking sounds on a chair, the first thing that enters my mind is picking up a kitchen knife and killing her.
o.o;
I want to be committed... I could be myself in a psych ward, I know I could... I wouldn't have to see anyone I knew... No one would wonder where I was. Where I was wouldn't matter. I wouldn't give a flying ******** if I wasn't even in Canada.
It seems so weird to say... After I drift off to my own place... I try to forget all of the things on my shoulders, but I can't. I can't stop crying about it. I can't stop wanting to do drugs for it. I can't stop wanting to cut myself because of it. I hate it... I don't want to grow up... It's so fast. It's so rushed.
Halloween has passed... I listened to Stephanie and Sarina's loud voice that day, they were in my ear although I did set them down a few... They've found a way to phone me after my mom blocked their number.
I haven't talked to them since... I miss them...
I wonder if it's wrong to half want your friend to commit suicide so you have a real reason to be sad... It's so selfish... Isn't it?
I can't write these kinds of things in ******** LiveJournal. That s**t is just for show, but I still don't use it for show. Katie does... If she didn't know the URL I would pour my heart out onto the keyboard into my space on the Internet. But she does. So I won't. She reads it through rose-colored glasses... She lives through them...
I hate her, the same time loving her. Then when she talks I want to stick something long and blunt through her "hot belly."
That was such a crappy day for me... With her... She liked it. Attention from ugly church boys, she's too nice to turn them down because she secretly likes Terry. I wanted to bring up Justin, just like I wanted to bring it up on Halloween while she flirted with Gordon. But I never do... I don't know why...
- Georgie
Sharks.and.Danger · Wed Nov 09, 2005 @ 12:15am · 2 Comments |