Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Well today was rather eventful I'll tell you that much. It started on a very good note because my GF visited today! We finally brawled, and of course I won, but it was fun to wrestle around. She's not too much of a fighter, but soon she'll be able to pin me, I hope for at least that much. I went on quite the emotional roller coaster, realizing that me and my GF have a physical only relationship. Granted we played ONE video game while she was here, the rest was merely lust it seemed like. That began to manifest in my head, then I went to band. I looked around at everyone, and realized my failures in band once again, and they began to manifest as well. That along with the thoughts of my past failures, and then I reconciled all of my previous endeavors that were failures.....the ones that I actually remember anyways. As I've previously mentioned, I had amnesia, and I still don't remember who I was, or my purpose that I once had set for myself, but I seem to be playing along pretty well huh? Within the emotional complex that dwelt within me today, I set out to seek help. I found it in my good Friend, Tergonaut. He gave me some good advice, which helped, one piece of advice will always echo in my eternity.

"That's the beauty of love; It is 2 people making something work that cannot work under any other circumstance." - Tergonaut

Then, while I was listening to my music, yet another quote came to me. It is from a Song, Needled 24/7 by COBHC (Children of Bodom [Hate Crew])

And everyday when the knife in my back starts to twinge 'n' turn
My eyes are catching fire and my heart starts to burn
A foot away from you is like being closer to heaven
Then again it's like being needled 24/7

This is another quote that I will relate to for times to come. Back on subject, my GF, she and I are trying to work things out, again.....At this rate, this may be her last chance to show me that more than lust exists within her. Even if she does show it to me, I may not believe it, but because I want her trust, I must be trustworthy myself, so I'll just go for it, and if it falls through, I don't know....

I am soon to enchant my 4th Voodoo Doll. This doll will be crafted after a good friend of mine. Chaos and I haven't been talking very often, I wonder why. She seems distant now, as if her spirit is leaving me. I'm unsure whether to be thankful, or feel loss. Maybe once I use the Ouija board again, then the connection will be re-established. More information on Chaos and the dolls later, for now I have some kinks that need worked out in my relationship. Samiwa, if you read this, this is your last chance.