First Bloom/ Frozen Tulip
Second Bloom/ Broken Lily
Third Bloom/ Rotten Carnation
Final Bloom/ Abandoned Rose
Final Bloom/ Abandoned Rose
The rest of the school week passed by and I was extremely indifferent. I didn’t notice when the bells rang. I didn’t hear the teachers talk. I worked on assignments blindly. I nearly had to be forced to eat. I was like a robot. Lucas obviously noticed this behavior and confronted me, his starting line:
“I told you not to confess to him.” He said, clearly irritated.
“I found the answer though.” I said.
“There was no answer. I lied about that.” Lucas said, “I was telling you to give up not to find an answer.”
“If there was an answer what would it be?”
“If he loved you back the same way. Then of course nothing would be ruined by confessing. But you know he didn’t love you back and confessed anyways”
“I’m sorry. I never really found an answer. I just wanted to get it over with.”
“Then as you said yourself, you were just being egotistical.”
“I told him to never come near me again though…”
Lucas sighed, “Go apologize and fix things. You know you didn’t mean it so just stop overreacting. You threw yourself into that situation knowing you would be rejected and still did something like that. Are you a child?
“I was just so upset by it though..”
“That’s your own fault.” He said, “Apologize to him somehow.”
“Do I really have to?”
“Not really, you don’t have to ever see Matt again or talk to him.”
“I get it. I did something stupid. I’ll fix it.”
Lucas and I headed to an art store and bought a huge banner. Including paints and markers. I had the perfect idea. If we made a gigantic banner that said “WE LOVE MATT” in big, bold letters and showed it off at school, then he would see right away my apologetic heart. Lucas came to my house, no one is ever home on Friday’s. We were up until 2am working on it. If I do say so myself, it was spectacular. Lucas’s word to describe it was “outrageous”. He left at 3am and walked home. I told him he could stay until the buses started running but he said he didn’t want to be caught with jail bait. He left and I carefully rolled up the 5 ft long banner. The words were bright red surrounded with black borders. The background had dots of every color and a huge rainbow behind the letters of “LOVE”. If anyone had better means of apologizing probably just lost their place. The weekend was unbearable. I wanted to show Matt and be friends with him again. I hated that I let things escalate to this. But forgiveness was in the air Monday morning as Lucas and I rode the bus to school, big dorky smiles painted on our faces.
We made our way through the crowd of students each holding a corner of the banner. We walked in circles in the main school grounds showing off our banner. The reactions were a mixture of laughter and gasps of horror. Anyone who knew Matt received my voice yelling “GO GET MATT!! HURRY!”. Lucas’s and mines friends joined us and it became somewhat of a parade. More and more students gathered to watch the freaks with the lame banner. Eventually, the bell rang and students disbanded for classes. Lucas left too. I was there standing alone in the middle of the main school grounds where students emptied out of. I became so disappointed that Matt didn’t get to see my glamorous apology. But before I could become anymore upset a hand rested on mine and snatched the banner.
“What’re you doing? That was so ******** embarrassing.” Matt crumpled the banner and threw it in the trash. He looked at me and laughed. I laughed too. I was so relieved that tears started slipping out. I ran to him and hugged him. He hugged me back. I started chanting “I’m sorry, I’m sorry..” Matt also chanted with me, “I forgive you, I forgive you”.
No matter what happens, I want him to keep smiling. And I want to make him smile. Because it’s what keeps me so full if spirit. Matt’s smiling face is the only thing I need. Even if I stop smiling, even if it’s painful. Love is supposed to be that way anyways. There is just one selfish desire I’ll keep- If only that smile was for me, and only for me.. I don’t think I could be happier. For now, dreaming for the day to come where he is only mine is what I do in my spare time. I would never betray that smile, or turn it into something else.
I am in love. I am proud of this love. A love no others can touch.
