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As you all know I love horses! Barbaro was my hero. When Barbaro passed on the world cried, and so did I. Tonight I watched old videos of Barbaro rewatching his accident over and over and over again wishing I could have been there to pull him from the race. Seeing the signs that something was 100 percent wrong. I wish I could have stoped him from raceing that day. I now watch over and over his memorial videos of thousands of fans from Japan to California.

I sit here tonight crying inside because I can not cry outside. Many "people" just can not understand why I cry (when I do) many people just don't get the fact that horses are apart of who I am. I grew up country, I grew up in round pens, hay stacks, tractors, hard work, and pure American freedom, I was raised in a ard on the back of a horse. I understand that he is in a better place now but it is still hard to go from watching him race all the time to never seeing him race again, to never stride infront of the pack, to never dance at the breeders cup. Watching Barbaro race gave me hope. Watching him gave me faith in myself. Barbaro was my insparation. When working with Max. I would ride Max around the wide indoor pen pretending at 14, 15 years old that I was raceing on the back or Barbaro. To feel the raw power of his muscle contracing under the saddle and blanket, to feel his sides press in and out aside my legs. To feel the wind rage through my hair. Stride and count 1..2..1..2..1..2..1..2 to press myself from the sadle every 2 every off step. and with every inside leg as it lifts I lift, binding as one, moving as one, danceing steady in an open feild. How I miss those days. How I wish I could just go back and do it all over again, to be carefree, to be simple, to run home from school and drop my bag just to leave and ride all day till night fall. I miss the stale smell of dust, horse, and hay. I just wish I could be free again.








What brought all this on again? I was signing onto my yahoo and saw there in big bold letters "Zenyatta's Lost!" And if you know anything about the horse industry you will know that Zenyatta was one of the first female race horse to lead undefeated 19 major races! Zenyatta came almost dead last and it reminded me of watching Barbaro at the Aurora stables from the den that spring morning 2006.