As corny as it is, it is a hard question. You don't want to hurt someone that you love but you also don't want to lie to them. I mean I already did that once and a half. I said and then I took it back. I said it again but I didn't mean it like he wanted me too. And now I say it and I mean it or at least I am pretty positive I mean it.
I am afraid that if I take it back now, its really going to hurt him and I would never want to do that to him. He loves me and I know that and I am so lucky to have him. I just have other thoughts sometimes. Even though he took two weeks to think to make sure that he was sure I am afraid to tell him that I have been thinking. I just don't want him to think I lied to him again. Last time I did something close he almost broke up with me and I would never want that to happen. This is just a jumble of words I hope no one ever reads especially not him.
Its all that sermons fault. It put those crazy ideas into my head and thats when I started second guessing myself. It said that some people love unconditionally and other love with conditions. Two minutes ago I was positive that I loved him unconditionally, but now I think I have one condition. I think its possible that I love him as long as he loves me. I don't know if I would love him if he didn't love me. I might love the idea of being in love or better yet I love being loved.
I tried making a list of 25 thing I love about him and I did it fully with no repeats or paraphrasing, but it wasn't easy. And most of it was based on the fact that he loves me and I hate that. I also wrote about him and that turned out much better. Because I can't deny the way I feel around him. I feel safe and secure. I feel like nothing else matters. Its like no one can hurt me or touch me or make me feel bad. When I am with him I don't care about how fat I am or how my hair looks or if I am wearing lip gloss or not. The only thing that matters to me is us and that we are together and its perfect it feels right. In his arms is where I feel like I belong. Its where I feel most comfortable with myself like I can do no wrong. But the reason why I feel like I can do no wrong is because I know he will love me no matter what.
I'm in love with the fact that there is someone who loves me completely and entirely exactly the way I am. I am in love with knowing that there is someone who is always going to be there for me no matter what the situation is. I am in love with having a second half. I am in love with knowing there is someone who needs me. I am in love with knowing there is someone in the world who thinks the world of me. I am in love with knowing there is someone in the world who think I am amazing. I am in love with having someone there to hold my hand ever step of the way. I realized I have a male best friend that I get the privilge of making out with. I think I might be in love with being loved and if so I need to think and I need to tell him without hurting him.
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Wise word from the all powerfull shorty san
blah blah blah blah blah blah read it at your own risk
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