Ever been in love? It's like a drug; you feel great when you're getting it and shitty when you're not. You feel resentful, scared, paranoid, edgy...Even your body will physically changed based on whether or not your feelings are being returned and how.
I've been in love. Samantha Netzley; never met the girl before in my life but I loved her. Still do but in a more platonic sense of the word. We've been on and off for the seven years we've known each other and every time we mature just a little more. This last time seemed like the big one. And yet...
...yet we still manage to speak to one another and say things like "Well, maybe if we ever live a reasonable distance from each other" and we can admit to being attracted to one another and...well, we'll leave that at that.
The thing is, I'm not in love with her. I could be. Oh, I could be quite easily. But I'm not. I won't allow it of myself for the same reason I commanded myself to not feel anything for Kara; it would only end up hurting me. For once, I'd like a relationship that was local and actually stood a fighting chance.
Ah, well...It'll happen when I least expect it. Now, if I could just stop expecting it...
Undercover Screenname · Thu Sep 07, 2006 @ 12:30pm · 1 Comments |