|
|
|
After reading a story a friend of mine wrote (Vredelust, go read it, it's good!) as a story to go along with the description to the belted items in the stores, I was inspired to write an addition to it.
"Don't talk to me again."
I still couldn't believe I'd said such harsh words to the man I once so fully loved. But he deserved it, he betrayed me and I wouldn't give him the pleasure of seeing me cry over him, he deserved everything he got. Or so I kept telling myself.
Standing just outside the door, I held back those tears which had been so craftily forced away in the bassist presence. Damn Toshiya, let him rot in hell for what he did. As usual, thoughts of my ex-lover brought both tears and anger.
I hate him.
So much I can't stand it. Yet still my heart twists at seeing him sad and knowing that if I tried to comfort him I'd just end up being hurt again. And that wasn't about to happen. I was tired of being betrayed all the time, so this time I would stay strong and lock him out of my heart. He didn't deserve to see me smile, so I wouldn't give him that chance.
Even as all those heated thoughts raced through my mind, tears fell down my pale cheeks, blurring the pools of frozen grey of my eyes. Eyes that once looked upon him with love and affection, and now... now they held nothing but hatred for that man.
Crying...
I wasn't the only one to shed my pain in such a form; I could hear soft sobs from behind the door. He was crying too.
Could it be?
Did he really mean what he said? Does he truly still love me? Maybe for once I could open myself up to another and not be hurt... maybe... if only...
If it hurt so much to lock myself away from everyone, would it really be so bad to just love another again? Even if I did get hurt in the end, is it as bad as what I go through now?
So many questions, and none I can begin to answer... But for now, if only for the moment, just a few seconds, I want to feel the joy of love once more. I want my torn heart to be filled with laughter again. Screw it. It didn't matter if he was playing me for a fool, tricking me so that he could be happy with the knowledge that he is loved, by all, no matter what he does.
I want to kiss him again, be near him, hold his hand, and smile as we hug each other. I want that warmth once more, that sweet ecstasy of love. It may be an illusion, but a dream is better than this horrid reality.
I love him... Toshiya... my sweet love.
Pushing open the door and ran back in, swallowing back a cry as my eyes searched the quiet room for the face of the kind bassist.
"Totchi....? Toshiya?"
Before he would always come running whenever I called, without hesitation or mind to what he was occupied with before my call. He'd be by my side always to comfort me when I needed it.
I went through the only other door leading from the room, it was open, so he must have gone through it. My knees shake unsteadily as I climb the seemingly endless stairs that lead to the roof.
"Toshiya?"
My voice cracks as I call out his name softly, wiping away trails of tears from my face. Why had it taken me so long to see how much he really loved me? He would have done anything for me, but I wouldn't see it. But I had another chance, if he took me back, forgave me for being so selfish and stupid. We could be in love again, happy together.
Doki, doki, doki...
That sound... my heart. It was beating so quickly, so eager to see the source of my affection as I stepped out onto the rooftop. Wind blew my hair all around, strands falling over my eyes as I looked around for the hint of dark blue he usually wore.
"Shinya..."
Eyes wide and a hopeful smile over my lips, I turned towards the soft familiar voice of my greatest love.
"I loved you..."
I was lost for words; I knew it was true, I knew it! I couldn't think of the words to reply with as I silently stepped towards him. He was standing dangerously on the edge of the tall building. I would have told him to stop being stupid and get off before he got hurt, but my throat was too dry to form any sound.
"And I still do... Shinya..."
Tears of happiness flooded my vision as I desperately rushed towards him, reaching out for my sweet love, my dearest, my Toshiya. I was so close, just a hair's breath away from wrapping him in my arms and never letting go, to confessing my undying love and apologizing for all the pain I caused him. I was so close... but not close enough.
And he jumped off.
My smile faded faster than ever, eyes widening in pure horror. I hit the railings, falling to my knees as I stared straight out in disbelief. Just like that ever happy feeling in my body and mind left me, disappeared, and died. Just like that... I died inside.
A shrill scream filled the quiet air, and it was a moment before I realized it was my own. I screamed like there was no tomorrow, ripping apart my lungs and throat while tears wouldn't stop falling. I screamed out so loud. My stupidity had caused this, and now I was broken.
I screamed his name as I died inside.
---------------------------------------
That ended up being a bit long... gomen nee minna, didn't meant o waste so much of your time. *bows* I hope you all enjoyed it though.
 Akino Kuraki · Thu Jan 06, 2005 @ 01:52am · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
