ever get that feeling that somethings out of place or missing? im sure everyone feels that way and either figures it out or moves on to the next thing. i awoke suddenly from a power nap i was having at my computer screen after about 40 hours of straight consciousness. It was then that i got that feeling except it was much more pertinent to something i couldn't fix. something intangible that i couldn't ignore. this feeling was causing me great discomfort, so much so that i couldn't stop tossing and turning on the couch as i tried to sleep it away.. but i couldn't sleep, nothing felt right. It was a perpetual feeling that that things weren't ever gonna to feel alright anymore. it drove me mad shifting my brain around over and over to make things "fit". the more i tried to feel better the worse it got. like i was trying to rearrange a rubix cube in my head.. cept i couldn't see the problem or work around it. i was freakin out.. pacing and s**t.. which made it worse.. it turned into a physical pain. my brain felt like it was being fried from intense stress. i ended up in the bathroom, tears streaming, as i begged myself for this pain to stop. all i could think, as i tried to escape my own head, was [******** i can't make it stop.. nothing makes sense.. somebody ******** help me..'. my mom eventually found me on my knees in the bathroom. just the help i wanted. i think she might've heard me scream mebbe, no s**t. i didn't really care about much at the moment. when she asked wat was wrong i sorta stood up and paced back and forth trying to shake off the fact that i was scared into insanity. hard to hide tho. her pressence distracted me long enough for it to start to go away bit by bit. she asked if i was trippin on shrooms, which didn't surprise me, but i wish she could have been less accusing and a little more supportive of her insane son. i think i scared her a bit and ******** up her sleep but it was totally beyond my control. some parts i can't even remember. this happened to me before. 3 other times but each time its gotten a little longer and more intense. this was by far the longest one i've had and was the first one that involved another person. they feel much like the night terrors i would have as a kid but they're not supposed to happen while im awake...thats ******** up.. i don't even wanna think about how things are gonna be if this gets worse. back there i was willing to do anything to make that s**t stop. i don't know wat'll happen if theres nobody around to talk me down if it ever happens again.
roar im scary · Sat Oct 28, 2006 @ 09:18am · 0 Comments |