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11/05/2006
.....Though I, and the rest of the G-Team, have all shared our copious notes, confiscated items, snapshots and other evidence, the G-File we investigated throughout this Halloween week remains open. I can't imagine closing the case with so many questions left unanswered. Vahrley and the others are enjoying the chance to feel smug and spread more than a few I-told-you-so's to critics and skeptics (myself included) now that unquestionable proof of alien life has been brought to light. Despite the inconclusive nature of the case as a whole, they're considering it a personal victory, and if nothing else comes of it, that vindication of our work investigating the paranormal made the effort all worth while.

.....I'm taking the teasing in stride on the surface, but beneath it all, I feel...disturbed.

.....I don't remember much of the week's events and that's not like me. What I do recollect is garbled, hazy and nonsensical. There are cows. And aliens. And endless white corridors filled with speechless strangers. It's impossible to piece together. So I smile indulgently as Fryd and Fox Headroom claim (in disconcertingly harmonic unison) they knew the truth was out there all along. I just wonder if they realize how little of the truth they've glimpsed?

.....And I wonder if any of my colleagues had anything like the vivid dream I'm about to type into this journal?

.....I'm in a colorless room that feels endlessly long; a brilliant, white, sterile corridor of a room. There are cows. Then aliens. Occasionally, there's a human, like me. I see Vahrley sometimes. He's paired with an alien and they seem to take turns making faces at each other. Neither of them seem to speak, and yet, I could swear they're communicating. I don't feel completely like myself. I think I may be drugged, or possessed by another consciousness not my own. Maybe both. I begin to talk to myself about things that I don't understand...

...And yet a part of me thinks I should, that if I dig deeply enough, I'll remember...

...Firefly? Maybe my unconscious mind can make sense of this, I cannot...

...Cows kept appearing whenever I said something. Somehow the joke made sense. It was the only moment of sense I was allowed...

...And why were horses so important to me? I've long since grown past my desire for a pony...

...I don't remember feeling anything but pleasure when the alien joined in. After all, she'd agreed with me and my strange, senseless monologue. I wonder if this is some sort of metaphor...

...Again this strange fixation on horses. And how does one 'watch' X-Files? Why the stress on fireflies, or rather a firefly, singular? Fireflies, pretty as they may be to observe in an open field on a starry night, aren't exactly a must see...

...I've been replaced??? Still I'm not shocked or angered by the idea, only slightly annoyed...

...Why did I make this clarification in such a way? What does it mean...

...Obsession? To my work, perhaps, but I haven't had the time, nor the inclination to watch TV since The Fox Network aired that alien autopsy hoax video I was in. And why am I speaking of myself in the third person? And indicating myself as a 'fictional television character'? Surrounded by HEARTS??? And who is this 'Inara' I've been linked to??? But I don't feel at all confused during this conversation...

...Huh??? I'm certain THIS one is a metaphor. I intend to apologize to Fox Headroom for shooting him THE LOOK so often during our investigations. And Vahrley too...

...I can't believe that I felt so HURT. And why is the alien patronizing me? Did she expect to HAVE to patronize me. A 'natural' reaction to whatever mind-altering drugs had been introduced into my body, perhaps...

...My pain seems so GENUINE!!! And again, the horse issue. Why is me ON a horse of such great import? I haven't ridden since I was EIGHT...

...Is this Inara as confused as I am? I can only imagine she is. Or should be. And why on Gaia am I seeking this alien's assurance??? Drugs, it must be drugs. A serious hallucinogen or possibly an anti-psychotic...

...Obviously the alien knows something I don't. Why do I feel there is a link between this Inara person and Wash? The word is said like a name and not an act. And how does one 'fly' serenity...

...Who IS this wmorganstern? Why is she here? Is she hallucinating as well or is she a figment of my imagination??? Do frightened cows and panicked horses mean a lack of cow bells to her somehow? What is the connection...

...Serenity is a spacecraft? Maybe it's Zurgette's code word for the mothership...

...The stranger seems to understand this madness more than I do. I wish she could explain it to me now that I'm conscious and sober...

...I don't know how to even BEGIN to justify this last comment. Thankfully, I remember nothing more.

.....I'm still debating sharing this with the rest of the team. It poses more questions about my sanity than I feel comfortable with. But if I don't divulge my experience, I'm withholding possible evidence. And who knows? Maybe one of them understands what I meant by 'Firefly', 'X-Files' and 'Inara'. Could they hold the key to the 'Serenity' code ? Or was all of this really just a baffling dream brought about by the shock of coming face-to-face with alien intelligence and an overdose of snack-sized, Halloween chocolate?

.....One thing is certain, I have been unalterably changed by these events. And so has my car. The words 'Official Browncoat Companion' have been written in bold letters across the back bumper. In permanent ink. In my handwriting. *Sigh.*