god i just hope none of my friends read this. i think i went mad, about a month ago. i broke a bunch of s**t in my room and started saying things, things ive always wanted to say so dearly but were affraid that i would b damned. no one was home, exept smitten who locked the door in his room. i tried to get in, i was yelling at him and banging against the door as hard as i could, telling him how bad it was in hell and how i would take him there with me when i would open the door. it was like there was a pounding inside my head, and i had to make it go away. it was hurting me so incredably bad. u couldnt imagine the pain. then sometimes, my whole body would hurt and i would drop to the floor, but the pounding, god the pounding, it was still there. i had to make it stop so i just rolled around. i thought about if someone were to watch me do this, they wouldnt understand what i was doing. i just burst out laughing at the thought of this. i got back to my room and everything was watching me. it was so quiet and still, they were planning something and wispering to eachother. i had to make them stop it, they werent allowed to plan and wisper, they couldnt, they werent alive. they would tell everyone i was crazy. they would tell everyone that i herd them. now i dont know what happend, but ive tried to make myself know the truth. im not crazy, im not, i swear to god i cant b crazy. if i were crazy i would know. but today i was all alone, in my room, no one home. i looked around and started feeling things. i mean really feeling like i did when i supposedly went mad. theres all these things i want pple to know but they never can and never will and i never want to tell them. but if i keep feeling things like that i know ill kill myself. some pple might call this a cry for attention, but i wouldnt cry for human touch. i hate pple, i want them all to pay and suffer. suffer like i do on the inside. stop reading this entry, stop it right now. y r u reading it y do u care. just leave me b and let it slip. u can look through a thousand lies and never find one of ur own.
heart jess
Vailah · Mon Feb 21, 2005 @ 10:11am · 1 Comments |