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That question just popped up in my mind. Since the start of highschool, February has always been the worst month out of the year for me.

For example, in ninth grade, I developed my theory of 'emotional masochism.' I believed that I felt pleasure in torturing my mind, which would explain the tendency I had then to focus my mind on terrible thoughts which brought me emotional pain. Like cutting, but for the ego.

Every year since, February has been a time of great depression and confusion. And this year, it may be the same. Today is the third of February, and I can already feel the depression. I know that I have a lot to be happy about, but I still feel that most people don't care about me, or ignore. I know it's not true, but I feel it all the same.

Maybe it's just the music I listen to, or maybe I've got a hormone cycle that always murders me at this time of year. I'm just grateful for that one person who shines through this darkness and gives me the power to keep on going, even if she doesn't know it. If I only had some dried mangoes, I could perhaps stave off the sadness much more effectively.