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Watashi no Nikki
My thoughts on things, events, people, etc. don't expect me to sugarcoat some things just because this might be readable, I could really care less since I usually never have anyone truly bad to say about someone unless they tick me off...
Please hear me now...
A silent wind...it hypnotizes and sends the mind into a gentle euphoria that is called a dream...A dream, a state of mind in which the subconscious circulates all thoughts...fears...resolutions...aspirations...all into one world that you exist in separate from the waking. Whether you like it or not...this is the reality and sometimes your dreams show you truths you never wanted to admit...I've come to realize my dependency on others to solidify my own existance, I've acknowledged my own faults and my own misgivings...People...rely on me far too much for my heart to take and I am constantly trying to change myself to fit the will of others and I'm done! Some friends continue to say I'm emo, that everything I say has some underlying sadness or overwhelming sorrow to it and I don't care anymore because I need an outlet, damnit! I do everything I can...to make others smile...to make others laugh...to cheer others up to the best of my abilities without ever thinking about myself. Despite my ways, I've tried to be nothing more than everyone's friend and...I've come to realize that I can't do that anymore...I need to be myself and only myself and that's all I should be expected to be. My friends...always calling on my flaws, just leave me alone...friends who've been truly kind to me, stay with me always...and for those who do not know me, take a moment to ask...I beg of you.

My many muffled cries for help have been muffled until now and I need someone, anyone to hear me now...I need you...if there's ever a time I needed you to stick by me, it is now. Please, don't cast your back away from me, don't write me off as an idiot who is only an annoyance to others, please just try to understand that who I am may not be who you've come to know...I'm sick of the lies and I'm sick of the self-esteem issues! I want to be finally free from all the peer-pressure and stress, but it won't be so unless I allow myself to take the first step! Now...more than ever, my sanity is tested...my constant resolve to assure the happiness of others first has weakened and I need a moment...So for those of you I've hurt with my actions, please forgive...for those I've harmed with my words, please forgive...for those I've cast aside, please forgive...I'm trying...I really am...





 
 
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