Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Yeah, okay, I get it... I don't really matter in the long run... I've never thought about their problems for more than a moment...I always forget when they're sick, or sad, or lonely...If I've got something I think is better to do, I won't even give them the time of day... They don't matter to me at all, right? Well?
No, of course not.
Then if that's so, why are you so jealous? You don't care, do you?
No...I don't care about anyone except myself and my family...but mostly myself..I'm not jealous, I'm just selfish...yes...
That's right. So I won't tear myself up over it. It doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter... doesn't it? Don't those times we had so much fun count for anything?
Not when compared to the anger and sorrow.
What about the times they said they cared? Doesn't...doesn't that mean something?
They were obviously lying to me, of course...
Then...the times we laughed? Meant nothing? Were empty?
Completely worthless. Lies, anger, sorrow, fury, misery, that's all that was gained from them.
...But I love them.
What's love? What does that mean? Is it a word, sensation, feeling, thought?
It's a--
No! It's nothing! Everything you hold dear is nothing.
But...
No. And get used to it. Just get used to it.
I don't really want to.
I have to.
Don't cry. Don't cry over them. There was never anything.
There could've..there could've been something..
But I'm no competition for another...
That's right. I'm not pretty.
I'm not smart.
I'm not clever.
I'm not polite.
I'm nothing.
That's something. Or, or not...
Never mind...there's always tomorrow. And you can't help it if you'd rather see another disappear from existence than say a polite word to them...
Not that I have much choice.
True.
Good-bye for now.
Maybe forever.
But I'll keep hoping, even though I tell myself to stop.
Because...
I do love you.