Abuse.
I'm so frustrated.
No matter what I do,
I do something wrong.
I can't control anything.
But I had learned and accepted that long before.
Abuse.
Times like these show me how futile life is.
How worthless it is.
The ironic thing is that even though I want to be with the Lord early,
Like now,
I can't.
I'm too freakin' scared to "do" anything.
And God won't let me either.
He won't let me be with Him.
He says I have too much work for Him to do.
That it's too soon.
Oh that so frustrates me!
I want to go to be with Him!
But He says no.
Abuse.
I don't really deserve nice comments.
I don't deserve anything good.
I deserve all the wroughts of this world.
I don't deserve anything good.
Abuse.
I do it to myself.
It makes me feel good.
It's the only release I've found that doesn't affect others.
That doesn't hurt them in some way.
I don't mess up when I do it.
Also, it doesn't matter.
I don't want attention.
It's the last thing I want.
I'm freakin' petrified of that certain attention.
Abuse.
Don't tell.
You know who you are.
Love, please don't tell.
I'll quit.
For you.
But,
It's the only way.
The only release,
That I have found.
Please don't tell.
Please don't take that away from me.
Abuse.
I'll quit for you but,
Please don't take it away from me.
I love you.
I'll do it for you but,
Oh God.
Abuse.
Oh God.
I'm so confused.
My thoughts are not my own.
They are wrong.
Complicated.
Indecent.
Oh God.
I don't know anymore.
I don't know anything anymore.
I don't care.
Abuse.
What can I do?
Ricka I · Thu Mar 08, 2007 @ 11:15pm · 1 Comments |