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So, like my other blogs, idk exactly where this is going to go, but here goes.
Let's start off with my personallity ::
I am a very jealous person. Sometimes I hide it, and other times it's pretty darn noticable. I pretty much get jealous of everything I see. Even when a friend hugs a friend and doesn't hug me, yeah, sometimes that gets to me. That may seem a little pathetic to some people, but oh well. It's how I am.
I do start a lot of arguments. I have reasons for most of them. There are points in time when I feel the need to put distance between a close friend and me. I see things different sometimes. Every now and then I do it to either test our friendship. And other times I think of how everyone close to me dissapears sooner or later. Sometimes I can't control that feeling so I look for reasons for someone and i not to be close. That might be hard to understand? But that's how it is.
When I get angry, I'm angry. Sometimes I get frustrated or aggrivated and I can still laugh. But other times I get so pissed I cry. People know when I'm pissed. Take the day when Steven pushed Jarred. A lot of people saw how mad I can get. I really could care less who you are, you don't ******** with anyone I know expecially my family. Even though I don't favor most of them, I will knock the ******** daylights out of anyone who ******** with them. This goes for my friends too.
I laugh at some people's pain. I know, that's really crule. But you know that thought you get, you know the one I'm talking about "They deserve it, now they know how you feel." yeah. I get that thought a lot. And I laugh at people.
I really hate when people aren't my friends. Honestly, I think I'm here on Earth to cheer people up when they're down. Even running into a wall helps. I love making people smile and laugh. And when I can't my world honestly shifts a bit and it hits me.
If I ever walk away from you when I'm upset and I tell you to leave me alone, don't listen to me. When I'm upset I go into this, believe it or not, split-personalitly kind of thing. I don't know what I'm saying or doing. That's what would happen when I used to hurt myself. I would kind of black out from everything then wake up bleeding. Yeah, things were a bit deeper than most people though. I couldn't take pain by myself so I just went with it.
I love everyone, seriously. Expecially people who don't love me. They give me a reason to live. That reason is that maybe one day, I'll be able to make those who hate me smile or laugh. That's my calling. Even if I have to embarress myself, I just want everyone to smile. Life is too beautiful to waste sobbing and mourning over something. Yeah, things get hard, but there is always someone here for you. It sometimes even someone you least expect, but there's someone there.
I don't hate anyone. Never say I hate you. Because I can never hate anyone. No matter how much hate you think you have for someone, you don't. Everyone has a beautiful side. No one is completely ugly. You will ALWAYS find something good in someone. Whether you want to admit it or not. That person you tell everyone you hate, you don't. That person you make fun of everyday with your friends, you feel bad. You think it's ok to joke about someone, you say you want them to know what you say. But you don't. Everyone talks about everyone. My best friends have talked about me and I've talked about them. But it's only human. Whether you chose to believe that or not, most likely your friends talk about you. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I hate anyone for this or pointing fingers. I'm just saying, everyone is human. Give everyone a chance. Even if your friends don't like it, be friends with that one person they don't like. You can't judge a person by an action they take, because you don't know what that person is feeling or thinking. There are reasons people do things. And that's what I want people to understand. No one does something just to do it. There is a reason. You just have to forgive in order to understand those things.
Well, I guess I'm done, until next time. <3 Shaina
Elvira____Sachiko · Mon Apr 02, 2007 @ 12:35am · 0 Comments |
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