For the last week and a half I have been nothing but stressed from school and drama. And its not the stress thats like I have to get this and this done leave me alone for about an hour, it's the stress that makes you stop eating and sleeping (yes I am having trouble eating and sleeping). And no matter what I try to do to fix things its not working at all and I dont know what else to try. Normally playing my horn helps me when I'm stressed but now thats not working just making things worse. Lately I have been under alot of emotional and physical strain, so today when I tried out for the solo I thought this might be the ray of sunlight and I played the solo and it was beautiful but for one note I fracked cause I was nervous, I shaped it and played the dynamics wonderfully. Then the other person tried he started and didnt frack where I did but he was cutting the notes too short had no shaping, no volume and no dynamics, it was boring, the worst part was in the second part of the solo he couldnt get the right notes they were at least a half if not a whole step off. So now its judjement time and I was so sure I would get the solo as did most the other people in my band because I played it really well, and now time to anounce who got the solo -drumroll- HE DID!! He beat me out for the solo that I played better then him and my director knew I wanted it in class before he decided who got to play it I alwasy asked who should play it and since he always had some one else do it I'd air and valve it. The part that really pisses me off is the fact that my director already knew who he was gonna let play it he only let me try so it would look fair, he didnt give me a real chance. So now when we go to get our rating for our playing we are going to get a lower rating then we deserve because the director gave the wrong person the solo. And after all thats been going on latly I was finally hoping something, anything would go my way now everyday in band I have to listen to Austin butcher the solo and just sit there surrounded by disapointment another thing I want but cant have another thing that I came so close to but will never touch another thing life doesnt want me to have.
Shem Musoke · Mon Mar 12, 2007 @ 09:50pm · 1 Comments |