My whole life I have never been the 'lucky one'. My birth was an accident as mother likes to call it. I came into the world because of too many beers and a long night at the motel with dad pinned down on top of mom. She insists that it was rape but I knew she liked it. Mother liked everything about father, and absolutely nothing about me. That is the way things always have been and it will probably always stay that way. Father lived with me until I grew the age of five. Finally he got sick of me and left his beloved wife for a car and two thousand dollars. Like I said, mom didn’t enjoy my company much and once I made her husband leave, she made me leave too. Instead of sending me to live in a home that was meant for orphans, mother sent me to live with my aunt Gina when I turned ten years old. I was surprised to see that my aunt didn’t look anything like the rest of my family. Gina was a short chubby woman that had a large grin on her face and loved to chuckle as an answer to almost all my questions. She was older than I expected, with pure white hair and if I didn’t know any better I would have guessed that she was my grandmother! I already regret saying this, but I love her more than my own mother.
There are a few down falls about Gina as well, like the fact that she lives in a spooky old castle that is placed on the top of the tallest hill in the area. My room just happens to be on the very top floor and I didn’t mention this before, but I am scared of heights. Personally I don’t like waking up to see my worst fear only a few feet away outside of my only window. Another thing about Gina is that she likes to wear darker clothes and about once a week she invites the neighborhood girls over and starts telling them about the creatures you would hear about in horror books, mostly witches. I never actually pay much attention to the tales because I could care less about some people riding around on brooms. Why bother, they aren’t even real, are they?
At first Gina’s groups of girls were awkward to hang out with and I mostly spent my time upstairs inside my room but after a few adventures downstairs into the story room, I started to get interested in being around more often. Maybe it was the fact that I was starting to get interested in girls, or it was just the guilt of hiding, starting to catch up with me. No matter what reason I used, none of it matters now. There was one girl in the group that for some reason loved to sit by me when we listened to my aunt tell stories. She only mentioned her name once to me, but I can still remember her words ringing in my ears, Sakura.
Just like Gina, Sakura liked to dress in dark clothes that consisted of long chains and black fishing net. She was the only one in the group with brown hair; everyone else had black hair, including me. Every time I saw Sakura, there was thick liner around her eyes that caused her blue pupils to stick out and stare at me. It has never really bothered me much; I can still see her true beauty, but I wish she would go a day being her normal self, if she even has one. I can honestly say that I am in love.
On my fifteenth birthday I finally got the courage to tell Sakura how I felt. In the middle of my aunt’s weekly story telling, I knocked on the door and peeked my head inside. “Can I please barrow Sakura for a moment?” The girl of my dreams got onto her feet and strolled over to the door, beaming as we both stepped out of the room. Leading her down the hall, I directed her onto the large rotunda at the base of the house and offered her a spot to sit down on one of the many benches inside. Once we were both seated across from each other I let my heart spill. “Sakura, I like you” To my surprise her face broke out into a grin. “I like you too. You’re my best friend in the whole world.” The small hope of us having a relationship suddenly drained out of me. Just a friend? “No, Sakura, I don’t mean like that. I love you.” I went red in the face, feeling myself warm up as I blushed. My heart was pounding against my chest while I waited for a response.
Sakura’s eyes widened in shock and she didn’t even answer before she turned her head to the side, her feet moving as if attempting to get up. I blinked, feeling water fill up in my eyes. Was that a no? I couldn’t help but release a sigh of disappointment. The girl of my dreams had just refused my offer to have a relationship and she did it in a way that didn’t require saying anything, but it told me so much more about her than if she would have just told it to my face. It took me a few moments to realize she was still sitting there, and I was watching her like a drunken fool. “Is that a no?”
Twirling her head around, Sakura placed a firm kiss against my rough lips. Now that was something I did not expect her to do. The embrace of our lips soothed me in a way that was not explainable. Before I knew it, her back was flat across the floor, and I was above her, kissing her, caressing her, soothing her in all the places imaginable. “Sakura, I might be afraid of heights but I am going to take you as high as I possibly can.” The sound of her moans rang in my ear as I took her to the heights of pleasure that she was dieing for so much.
The tears stopped streaming down her face once we both grew tired of our moment together, and I had let her rest her head across my pillow. It was hard to remember the point when I took her from the hard floor, and up to the top floor where my room remained empty. For all I knew, she was the one who carried me and ******** the living day lights out of the one she loved. A soft groan escaped Sakura’s throat as she rolled over against my chest, brushing soft kisses against the edge of my neck. After I took in a breath of pleasure, then let it out, I rolled her over in one quick movement and drove back inside her.
Once I awoke again, I was all alone. Sitting in my birthday suit, I looked around to see that Sakura had stolen a spare shirt of mine, and apparently went back down stairs for her own clothes. If I knew her well enough, she would already be back in the story room, awaiting to her more about the creatures she believed in.
I took me a while to realize what I needed to do in order to see her again. All I did was walk down stairs and sit down next to her in the story room, then everything fell back into place like the way they were before. When it was time for everyone to finally leave, Sakura asked to talk to me for a few more moments before she would depart as well. I assumed she was going to apologize to me for being to forward about our relationship and I almost told her not to worry about it, but oddly she took me to the back of the house and told me to sit down in one of the hard wooden chairs.
Glaring down at me, Sakura touched my head with her finger and mumbled a few sentences in another language. When she opened her eyes they were pure black, and it almost looked like they were bleeding. Wait, where they? I leaned forward slightly and saw small droplets of black blood running down the edge of her cheek bone.
I gasped, wondering what had gotten into her. “Sakura, are you there? Ouch!” Once her hand got pulled away from me, I started to feel all itchy around my neck and back. Bringing my hand back to touch my neck, I felt a large bush of fur growing were my skin once was. My eyes widened in horror as my hands started shrinking and curving into a paw shape. Sakura was transforming me! Questions where filling up in my head. Didn’t I mean something to her? Why was she doing this? Was she drunk? What is going to happen to me? I gazed up at the younger female and let out my last sentence in my human form, and all I did was swear at her.
There are a few down falls about Gina as well, like the fact that she lives in a spooky old castle that is placed on the top of the tallest hill in the area. My room just happens to be on the very top floor and I didn’t mention this before, but I am scared of heights. Personally I don’t like waking up to see my worst fear only a few feet away outside of my only window. Another thing about Gina is that she likes to wear darker clothes and about once a week she invites the neighborhood girls over and starts telling them about the creatures you would hear about in horror books, mostly witches. I never actually pay much attention to the tales because I could care less about some people riding around on brooms. Why bother, they aren’t even real, are they?
At first Gina’s groups of girls were awkward to hang out with and I mostly spent my time upstairs inside my room but after a few adventures downstairs into the story room, I started to get interested in being around more often. Maybe it was the fact that I was starting to get interested in girls, or it was just the guilt of hiding, starting to catch up with me. No matter what reason I used, none of it matters now. There was one girl in the group that for some reason loved to sit by me when we listened to my aunt tell stories. She only mentioned her name once to me, but I can still remember her words ringing in my ears, Sakura.
Just like Gina, Sakura liked to dress in dark clothes that consisted of long chains and black fishing net. She was the only one in the group with brown hair; everyone else had black hair, including me. Every time I saw Sakura, there was thick liner around her eyes that caused her blue pupils to stick out and stare at me. It has never really bothered me much; I can still see her true beauty, but I wish she would go a day being her normal self, if she even has one. I can honestly say that I am in love.
On my fifteenth birthday I finally got the courage to tell Sakura how I felt. In the middle of my aunt’s weekly story telling, I knocked on the door and peeked my head inside. “Can I please barrow Sakura for a moment?” The girl of my dreams got onto her feet and strolled over to the door, beaming as we both stepped out of the room. Leading her down the hall, I directed her onto the large rotunda at the base of the house and offered her a spot to sit down on one of the many benches inside. Once we were both seated across from each other I let my heart spill. “Sakura, I like you” To my surprise her face broke out into a grin. “I like you too. You’re my best friend in the whole world.” The small hope of us having a relationship suddenly drained out of me. Just a friend? “No, Sakura, I don’t mean like that. I love you.” I went red in the face, feeling myself warm up as I blushed. My heart was pounding against my chest while I waited for a response.
Sakura’s eyes widened in shock and she didn’t even answer before she turned her head to the side, her feet moving as if attempting to get up. I blinked, feeling water fill up in my eyes. Was that a no? I couldn’t help but release a sigh of disappointment. The girl of my dreams had just refused my offer to have a relationship and she did it in a way that didn’t require saying anything, but it told me so much more about her than if she would have just told it to my face. It took me a few moments to realize she was still sitting there, and I was watching her like a drunken fool. “Is that a no?”
Twirling her head around, Sakura placed a firm kiss against my rough lips. Now that was something I did not expect her to do. The embrace of our lips soothed me in a way that was not explainable. Before I knew it, her back was flat across the floor, and I was above her, kissing her, caressing her, soothing her in all the places imaginable. “Sakura, I might be afraid of heights but I am going to take you as high as I possibly can.” The sound of her moans rang in my ear as I took her to the heights of pleasure that she was dieing for so much.
The tears stopped streaming down her face once we both grew tired of our moment together, and I had let her rest her head across my pillow. It was hard to remember the point when I took her from the hard floor, and up to the top floor where my room remained empty. For all I knew, she was the one who carried me and ******** the living day lights out of the one she loved. A soft groan escaped Sakura’s throat as she rolled over against my chest, brushing soft kisses against the edge of my neck. After I took in a breath of pleasure, then let it out, I rolled her over in one quick movement and drove back inside her.
Once I awoke again, I was all alone. Sitting in my birthday suit, I looked around to see that Sakura had stolen a spare shirt of mine, and apparently went back down stairs for her own clothes. If I knew her well enough, she would already be back in the story room, awaiting to her more about the creatures she believed in.
I took me a while to realize what I needed to do in order to see her again. All I did was walk down stairs and sit down next to her in the story room, then everything fell back into place like the way they were before. When it was time for everyone to finally leave, Sakura asked to talk to me for a few more moments before she would depart as well. I assumed she was going to apologize to me for being to forward about our relationship and I almost told her not to worry about it, but oddly she took me to the back of the house and told me to sit down in one of the hard wooden chairs.
Glaring down at me, Sakura touched my head with her finger and mumbled a few sentences in another language. When she opened her eyes they were pure black, and it almost looked like they were bleeding. Wait, where they? I leaned forward slightly and saw small droplets of black blood running down the edge of her cheek bone.
I gasped, wondering what had gotten into her. “Sakura, are you there? Ouch!” Once her hand got pulled away from me, I started to feel all itchy around my neck and back. Bringing my hand back to touch my neck, I felt a large bush of fur growing were my skin once was. My eyes widened in horror as my hands started shrinking and curving into a paw shape. Sakura was transforming me! Questions where filling up in my head. Didn’t I mean something to her? Why was she doing this? Was she drunk? What is going to happen to me? I gazed up at the younger female and let out my last sentence in my human form, and all I did was swear at her.
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It's a good story but it almost seems to fast, like your rushing it to much.
Also your tenses, past and current should be the same, ie if you use one tense for something use that for everything. I noticed one or two misplaced puncuation, as well as a few places where a word or two was missing (nothing major).
Overall, slow down a little, break your paragraphs up differntly (cosmetic nothing more), and fix your tenses and you'll have a fine story.
If you want me to read anything else just drop me a PM and I'll gladly do so. (same goes if you want me to read the next part.)