It’s been how long since then? How long since that night? I can’t seem to remember. Was it hours? Days? Weeks? Months? Maybe even a year ago? No matter what, I still have the nightmares.
Those of us who has nightmares knows that they slowly creep into your dreams and quietly consumes you, taking your very mind. There’s nothing you can do to stop it. It spreads, getting darker and darker until nothing can stop you. Nothing can wake you up.
- Sunday Night, 11:35 pm
-Year, 2007. Month, Who knows. Day, Unknown.
-entry from Lila's Journal.
She could still remember it, as if it were a broken Cd. Repeating it over and over. The scenes each time getting more and more graphic. She tossed and turned in her bed, biting her lower lip.
The sweat was seeping through the pore of her skin, tears falling in small rivers. No one would know about these nightmares. There were no ones but her own.
“No,” she whispered. She could feel the hand sliding down her body.
“No, please,” she begged the nothingness. “Please, don’t.”
The lips running down her neck, she tried to force him away, but it seemed as though she could not touch him. She wouldn’t cry out as the man violated her. She made small whimpers, but it wasn’t from pleasure.
The cold touch of the blade made rivets of blood fall. She cried out no, and please don’t. But they were just unheard cries. She looked up at the ceiling, but it had just turned to sky. She was back in the forest, tied to the ground.
“Please!” she begged louder. “Please stop!” She fought against her binds, making her wrist raw with fresh meat and blood.
The man moved his mouth to her ear, smirking as he let his breath tickle her ear. His mouth moved that it scared her.
“It’s not your fault, but he led me to this,” he whispered in her ear. “If you want to blame someone, blame him.” He let his hands travel down her body; it had almost reached it when…
She woke up. She covered her as if it was an ocean. She pulled her legs up to her chest. She promised herself that she would never sleep. Silent tears fell as she stared out her window.
What had she faced that night, when no one was around? What had crossed her path that changed her? Who had changed her?
“I’m weak,” she whispered. “I’m weak and naive.” She rocked slowly on her bed, not making a sound. Her screams of that pleasure still rung in her ears. She still had the bite mark and the bruises.
She couldn’t even face herself anymore. She got up, and walked to the bathroom. Splashing cold water onto herself, she looked in the mirror. She didn’t see herself though.
The person looking through it was happy like the world was perfect. Like there was nothing to be afraid of. That person wanted to make her puke. The world was cruel and gave no mercy that much was true.
Her hand turned into a fist. Suddenly the mirror was in shatters, pieces of the happy girl were gone. The only thing left behind, was the emptiness that filled her own heart.
She wanted to laugh and laugh and laugh. After all, who needed a girl like her? And as they came in to take her away, the demons of her mind, she looked back at her last look of reality…
Back toward the shattered pieces of the mirror… no… of her life. All that was left of her life was far beyond her grasp. It was far beyond her reach, she could never return to being the old self she was.
As she slowly fell to the floor, her mind being thrown into the black abyss, she saw a reflection of her self. And a last tear fell from her face as she muttered.
“I love you, Richard.”
And with that, she was shattered. Nothing could put her back together. After all, she was just as fragile as the glass on the floor. As easily it could be made, it could be as easily broken, with just one punch.
After all, she wasn’t needed anymore.
‘iit’s th3 r3gr3t5 that g3t m3, n0t th3 paiin’
“It’s been a long time. I suppose this will be the last time I will ever be writing in you. I know who had hurt me that night. I didn’t want to believe it. I know that I’m a sin and I know that I’m not the way my parents want me to be. But with him, I for once felt… happy. But my mind can not take this anymore. I’m just so….
Tired.”
Day of death
- Time unknown
- Time unknown
