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Dark is coming home at the end of next week. Im looking forward to some good times again, I feel like I could use them. Life lately has had its ups and downs. More so than usual I guess. Home is still home. My brother wreaked his truck AGAIN. Its costing my mother an arm and a leg to get it fix, and her insurance is pissed. Needless to say, her rates are going way up. Shawn doesnt seem to care. He's drinking all the time and I suspect doing drugs. I did drugs when I was younger too, but even so he should hear it from me that its nothing but trouble. Maybe he'd listen, in a perfect world.

As for myself, I have my own problems. I cant deal with home, and mine at the same time. I guess I get to put my stuff on the back burner again, while I sort things out. Im going to send money to my mother to help, I know she needs it. I'll mail it to Dan, my other brother and he'll say it came from shawn. Thats about the only way she'd accept it.

My rent this month got screwed up. Turns out, that when I sent the money... it really didnt get sent. Thanks Navy Federal credit union. My landloard was cool about it though. Mostly likely because she has more money than god. Yey.

I've been playing a large amount of games lately. Mostly to keep my mind of things. Things with Erika have gone way down hill. That really doesnt bother me though. I was never happy with her. But, its got me thinking about how hard I try (or lack there of) to find love. Everyone wants to know what love is, how to define it, and all that jazz. Some even say that love doesnt exist. Personally, I dont know. I think love is something that can be found, but for me? I dont know when, I dont know how... but I find myself unable to love others in the way they want. A friend of mine said that I might need a reason to love. Im not sure what he meant, but least its a plan. A direction to start heading I guess. So, I guess im not trying to define anything, but more or less looking for a reason.

Or something.