~Ooh-wah Ooh-wah Ooh-wah~
Okay.........
So, I questioned my beliefs....
and no I just got ******** over in my mind....
You see, I had this whole logic basis-for-comparison thing goin' on...
but SOMEHOW.... >.> something happens, and later on, I think about it.
Hmm.... now what could that be?
Now, okay.... I've always thought that crying was the worst possible thing in the world.....
absolutely bar none the worst.
Because, for one, it showed weakness,
and for people who don't like showing they have weaknesses,
let alone showing they are human...
(AHEM>.> -me- <.< AHEM)
...doesn't that make crying basically an insult?
And plus, crying doesn't fix anything,
it can't cure cancer....
it can't fix the broken vase that was fifty years old and cost a billion dollars.
"Grandma always says never to cry over spilled milk."
Well, consider the milk spilt.
(also, for some select few, crying ruins certain eye-make-up...>.> wink
but then there are these people...
who are like...
"Crying is good! it releases emotions harbored inside!"
"And lowers sodium because there's salt in your tears!"
First off, crying.... bad.
we harbor emotions to keep them harbored, correct?
not to let them spill out!
That's like spilling out radioactive cancer!
'oops, my bad, I harbored it all in, and it just slipped.'
no, absolutely not.
As for the salt/sodium-reducing thing....
I have no freaking clue....
I think, that if it's really a sodium reducer, then you'd have to cry 24/7
because it's not like your tears are made of pure salt....
" mm, wanna cry on my fries some more? I can't taste the salt on these."
lol.... =/
but....
Is crying a good thing, or bad?
I personally hate crying, and will deny ever having done such a thing every single time.
twice. ; ]
uhhh, but.... I guess... I dunno... I just tripled timed myself.
tripled questioned myself....
so is it a good thing or bad thing?
it can't be a medium thing....
ooooh, ALSO, in school, whenever I cried, I just got called a faking actor...
which pissed me off.
I was also called fat and ugly and a whore while crying....
hmm, what haven't I been called while crying?
well, whatever, the guy who called me a fat ugly whore while I was crying and tortured me all throughout school will get his karma one day.
I don't even care if he does or doesn't
it doesn't bother me.
something that bothers me is lying, I guess....
I'm not really sure.
I mean, some people have issues with cheating, or even joking around about cheating.
Some people have issues with god knows what....
But I'm learning to watch myself (believe me, its a work in progress)
but I've noticed I ask the question "are you lying?" a LOT.
like, wtf? calm down....
ok...okokokokokokokokokokokokokokokokokok
I've learned that I actually, can only calm myself down. And it's by repeating the word "ok" out loud over and over again.
pretty funnnnnn>.>
aaand, let's see, what else?
oh, journals!!!!
why?
Just why? why do people even mind-dump like this?
I don't understand.... why do we feel the need to mind release?
what is the breaking point, the little signal in our brains that turns on, and automatically makes us spill our guts to someone?
and why do we even have one?
What if I don't want one?
Or what if I can't turn it off....
just random questions to think about....
I dunno....
ahaahaa, funny thing today...
I went over to the house to see the animals....
and my dad was like " you're losing a whole lot of weight, knock it off..."
(the knock it off part was said jokingly, of course, not meanly)
and I think I've actually GAINED weight....
so I don't understand.....
and honestly, I will never ever be content with myself until I am ninety-seven pounds, have c-cup breasts, and have better green eyes, and am completely perfect.
I want to make barbie look ashamed of herself.
that's how beautiful I wanna be....
it's "the look"
the look of this time....
to me, it seems like most guys I know either like the really skinny hot ones, or the slightly heavier-with-a-bigger-bust-and-perfect-complexion girls....
and I'm not skinny....
but I'm not exactly that heavy. but I have no bust. And a horrible complexion.
(talk about your average narcissistic, eh?)
Well, no, I really like the look of myself.... when I'm alone.
When I have someone to compare myself with, I feel absolutely inferior.
And I dunno why I feel inferior.
I mean, I'm human, too.
Why can't guys just like other human girls?
why do they have to be picky?
I mean, I guess I'm picky, in a sense.
but for heaven's sake, I was willing to give up my entire life to stay with one guy for the rest of my life.
WHOM I ABSOLUTELY DESPISED IN EVERY WAY.
because he liked me. So I thought if he liked me, I could force myself to like him back???
I dunno, my thought process has always been weird like that....
buuut, that ended bad.
But only because I CHOSE to end it bad...
(that's another thing I will discuss after this...)
and then I met that special someone...
I guess. I'm not sure.
I mean, I don't exactly carry a radar in my pocket that goes off when the special someone shows up and trips me.
>.>
I would like one though....
not for the tripping part, though....
well, whatever... I'm happy.
I guess...>.>
nah, I'm kidding.
I'm too obnoxious, I need to learn how to SHUT THE ******** UP.
seriously.
I just need to learn to keep every single thing in my mind and become a mute.
which I already do for one part of my life.
(I'm like Hannah Montana, I have two lives....)
but the other half of me won't shut the hell up, and it gets me in trouble more often than less.....
whatever....
shut the ******** up.
>.> reeeehhhhrrrwwww... -le hiss-
that's another thing.....
I always tell people to speak their minds.
Like, no matter what, I don't care if it's anything bad about me or anything...
but people won't tell me!
Maybe it's because I don't tell people what's on my mind?
Well, I can't tell them what's on my mind.
it's hard, it's the hardest thing in the world for me to spill my mind.
because half the time it isn't even formed into words, it's just actions....
but I can't even describe most of those actions.
so, I dunno....
oh, back to that thing a while back....
I like to take the blame.
FOR EVERYTHING.
I will blame myself for your life being sucky.
I dunno why, but for some reason, I guess I love getting yelled at.
maybe I have a getting-yelled-at-fetish....
or maybe I just have an addiction to being put-down....
either way, I'll always take the blame for something, even if it isn't of my doing?
"you what? how could you murder thirty eight people???"
"they didn't, I did..."
"you did? bad bad disgusting horrible person! you should die the most sickest painful death in the world, you don't deserve to breathe, blahdah blahdah..."
Yupp, I know....
I'm such a violent person, it's like I live for violence....
what caused this?
why am I like this??
I mean, its not like I can remember anything decently important in my life enough to change me into a violence liking person....
so hmm.....
I dunno, I'm done typing....
for those who read this, congratulations, you've made it to the end....
for those of you who didn't, it's okay, you didn't miss anything important! =)
~Your's, only Yours, it's no Lie.~
Vanyaphaerelle · Fri Sep 05, 2008 @ 03:26am · 1 Comments |